


I Just Wanna Make This Last

by mukeofficial



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, Blackouts, Blow Jobs, Hand Jobs, M/M, bros being bros
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-15
Updated: 2015-07-15
Packaged: 2018-04-09 12:38:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 23,084
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4349129
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mukeofficial/pseuds/mukeofficial
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>His eyes shot open and he gasped, panicking and jerking back away, violently falling off the bed. The boy still in the bed – who Calum had realized was Ashton – barely moved a muscle in response, only shifting slightly onto his back so the blanket fell further off his body, revealing his prominent hipbones jutting out of his lower stomach. </p>
<p>This meant Ashton was naked as well, and Calum and him had fallen asleep together…</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Just Wanna Make This Last

**Author's Note:**

  * For [irwah](https://archiveofourown.org/users/irwah/gifts).



> AH YES, THE BRO FIC IVE BEEN TALKING ABOUT FOR MONTHS, FINALLY COMPLETED!
> 
> This is a present for my love [Dani](http://irwoah.tumblr.com/) ! I would not be the cashton trash that I am today without her.

The first thought that came to Calum’s mind when he woke up was concerning the intense headache he currently had, along with the fact that he was naked. He could feel his curly black and blond locks pressed against his forehead, glued to it with sweat. He hadn’t even opened his eyes yet and could tell it was already bright outside from the light from the windows hitting his closed eyelids.

Calum attempted to piece together the night previous in his mind, and quickly began to find it hard to do. He decided to start from the beginning: he remembered Ashton asking the boys to go to go out with him. Michael and Luke had decided to stay in for the night, as they were tired from a day of nonstop writing and recording. It had been Calum’s day off, so he more than happily joined Ashton for a night out. He remembered them laughing while attempting to harmonize to whatever was song on the radio in strictly baritone voices, already having pre-gamed a little before their ride in the car to the party. He also remembered getting out of the car and walking into the club Ashton had been so set on going to.

His thoughts were disturbed when he felt a body move next to him in the bed, and his whole body tensed. _That was strange,_ Calum thought. _I don’t remember bringing anyone home with me last night._ But if Calum was being honest, he couldn’t remember a lot of what happened the previous night. He actually couldn’t remember anything  after he and Ashton entered the club.

The dark haired boy wasn’t too worried. A cup of coffee and maybe some eggs when he woke up would clear his mind.

Calum felt bare skin touch his arm – a naked back being pressed against right arm. Instinctively, the dark haired boy moved so he was on his side as well, moving in to wrap his left arm around the person lying next to him. He could smell the sweet aroma of strawberry shampoo from the person’s hair before his arm even wrapped around them, making Calum grin. It was pleasant, but also very familiar, even though he couldn’t put his finger on where he’s smelt it before.

It was when Calum finally placed his arm around the person next to him when he suddenly remembered where he had smelt that smell before.

His eyes shot open and he gasped, panicking and jerking back away, violently falling off the bed. The boy still in the bed – who Calum had realized was Ashton – barely moved a muscle in response, only shifting slightly onto his back so the blanket fell further off his body, revealing his prominent hipbones jutting out of his lower stomach.

This meant Ashton was naked as well, and Calum and him had fallen asleep together…

Calum immediately got to his feet and nearly tripped over himself as he made his way to the door quickly, not caring to grab his clothes on the way out. After leaving, he stood with his back against the other side of the door, eyes closed and breathing heavily. He tried to put his thoughts together the best he could by recounting every step he took that night.

Before he could think that far, a voice made him jump.

“’Morning.” Michael said. Calum’s eyes burst open to stare at the boy across the hallway from him, holding a piece of toast in his hand. “Or should I say good afternoon. It’s like noon, dude.”

“Really?” Calum said, voice squeaking as he did. Michael looked at him suspiciously.

“Why are you naked?” The bleach blond boy inquired, raising an eyebrow.

Calum looked down and suddenly remembered that he was naked in front of his band mate. He was way too comfortable with his band.

“And wait – why were you coming out of Ashton’s room?”

Calum gulped. There was a sliver of a thought at the back of his mind that seemed to be screaming the answer at him, but it was something to scary and too horrifying to listen too. So Calum searched his mind for an excuse of any kind that would convince Michael that whatever happened the previous night was not what the dark haired boy feared most that it was.

Unfortunately, the answer clicked in Michael’s mind before Calum was able to convince him otherwise. The older boy’s eyes went wide with understanding and he froze completely.

“Oh.” Michael said in a small voice, swallowing the current piece of toast that was in his mouth. Calum shook his head, words caught in his throat and jumbled in his mind. “OH.” Michael repeated louder, pointing between Calum and the door, and then covering his mouth in shock with his hand.

“Please, Michael.” Calum finally managed out, shaking his head still. “Just – I can explain, please I swear, don’t jump to conclusions.”

“Um, okay.” Michael said, face looking worried and still in shock.

Calum took a moment to look through every corner of his memory, trying to remember the details after he and Ashton had gotten to the club the night before. He remembered immediately ordering a beer, and Ashton suggesting they do a shot to loosen up. He remembered the liquid burning down his throat, but in a good way, loosening his joints and making him feel more alive.

After that things got blurry. He couldn’t remember whether he finished his beer or not, whether Ashton had convinced him to get up and sing the Shakira song with him for Karaoke or if the dark haired boy had backed out the last second, and he definitely couldn’t remember how they made it back last night.

“Well?” Michael exclaimed, crossing his arms.

Calum’s shoulders fell in defeat. He didn’t have an answer. “Okay. I can’t explain.”

The dark haired boy had expected Michael to yell at him, but instead he erupted in laughter. Calum’s eyebrows furrowed at Michael’s squinty eyes and overall comedic reaction to a situation the younger boy didn’t find so funny.

“Shut up!” Calum complained.

“Why? Is Ashy no good in bed?” Michael doubled over in laughter again.

“What’s so funny?” A voice echoed up the stairs from the first floor, bringing Michael’s laughter to a stop. He and Calum made eye contact, and a smirk began to form on the bleach blond boy’s face.

“Don’t you fucking dare, Michael.” Calum said, taking a step towards him.

“Don’t what?” Michael asked innocently, taking a step back from Calum and towards the stairs.

Calum sighed in desperation. “Can you just, _for once_ , please not do this?”

“I’m going to need you to be more specific about what you’re talking about.” Calum wanted to punch the smirk right off of Michael’s face. The last thing Calum needed was for Luke to also know about what happened as well – Michael knowing was bad enough. Calum didn’t know if he could survive the endless teasing he would receive from _both_ boys if Michael told Luke.

Just then, Michael made a break for the stairs, beginning to run down them, yelling “LUKE! LUKE!”. Calum instantly chased after him, managing to get right behind him on the last stair, and then jumped on his back. The dark haired boy could see Luke in his peripheral vision sitting on the sofa before he and Michael hit the ground.

“GET OFF ME!” Michael complained, attempting to wiggle out of Calum’s grasp.

“Only if you promise to shut up!”

“NEVER!”

“What the hell?” Luke exclaimed, now standing next to Michael and Calum fighting on the ground. The blond began to try to get in-between the two fighting boys, using his hands to attempt to pry them apart. “Calum, why are you naked?”

“Because he sle –” Calum covered Michael’s mouth in an attempt to silence him, but pulled his hand away in disgust when Michael licked it. “He slept with Ashton last night!”

“What?!” Luke jerked back up suddenly, a horrified look on his face.

“YOU DON’T KNOW ANYTHING, FUCKFACE!” Calum tried to smack Michael’s face but missed, resulting in hitting his shoulder hard instead. He wasn’t sure if he was even making sense anymore, confusion and fear and embarrassment flooding his mind along with the hangover headache still apparent.

“You’re not exactly subtle, Hood.” Michael’s smirk was evident in his voice as he elbowed Calum’s stomach, trying to get free.

Calum thought he might be losing his mind. “I HATE YOU!”

“HEY!”

The three boys froze and looked at the stairway. A very sleepy and angry looking Ashton stood on the second to last step, wearing a white robe with most likely nothing underneath it. His eyes were slightly squinted from just waking up, and he ran a hand through his seemingly still perfect hair. Calum never understood how Ashton’s hair always looked so good, no matter what shit Ashton put it though.

For a second, Calum and Ashton’s eyes met, and Calum’s chest felt tight. There was something in the look that Ashton gave him that Calum couldn’t decipher – maybe a mixture of concern and regret.  The curly haired boy outwardly sighed as he raked his eyes away from Calum.

“What the fuck is going on?” Ashton asked, mostly to Luke, knowing he would give the most direct response.

“I mean, I don’t really know.” Luke said honestly. “They just came down the stairs yelling and then fighting and –”

“So Calum tells me you’re shit at sex.” Michael says in a teasing voice. This time Calum does hit Michael’s face, earning a glare from the pale boy, though Michael didn’t seem as though he regretted his comment.

Ashton’s eyes grew in horror and immediately returned to Calum.

“I didn’t say that, okay?” Calum said, and opened his mouth to speak again, but couldn’t think of what to say.

Ashton simply nodded slightly and began rubbing his eyes slowly. “Alright. Band meeting, right now, kitchen. And Calum, put some damn clothes on.”

Ashton stepped over the boys – who were still too confused to move – and made his way to the kitchen. Michael finally broke free of Calum’s now loose grasp, standing up punching the air in victory. Luke helped Calum up by offering a hand.

“What really happened?” Luke inquired, but Calum decided it would be best if they just waiting until they heard whatever Ashton had to say. So instead of answering, Calum walked over to the sofa and grabbed a blanket to wrap around his waist.

“Ugh, come on Calum.” Luke groaned.

“What!?” Calum argued, his patience already having hit its low.

“Now every time I’ll want to use that blanket, all I’ll be able to think about is how your penis has touched it.”

“A lot of things have touched my penis in this house, Luke.” Calum stated bluntly, securing the blanket tightly.

“Including Ashton.” Michael said, pointing to the eldest boy who was making coffee.

“Shut up, Michael!” Both Calum and Ashton stated at the same time, eyes meeting briefly afterward. Ashton was the first to look away, and it made Calum’s stomach feel a little queasy with fear.

~~~

“So in conclusion,” Ashton stated, taking a sip of coffee, “Calum and I went to a club, got drunk, came back and made a few mistakes. It’s not the end of the world.”

“Exactly how many mistakes?” Michael asked curiously, eyebrow raised and arms crossed. Calum buried his face in his hands. The dark haired boy hadn’t even had a chance to drink his coffee Ashton had made him yet. Michael had been making this as painful as physically possible, and even though these were Calum’s best friends, he had never been more embarrassed in his entire life.

“Jesus, Michael, can you act like you’re not a child for once?” Ashton said, finally losing his temper.

“Calm down, Ash, I’m just trying to lighten the mood.” Michael shrugged and took a sip of water. “If anything, you should be thanking me.”

A silence fell between the four boys. Calum first examined Luke, who had remained completely silent throughout the whole conversation. The blond opened his mouth and then closed it, seeming to not find the words to something he wanted to say. Michael looked the opposite – lounging back on his chair, yawning and stretching his arms out. Ashton yawned also, slightly rearranging the robe around his stomach. Calum’s eyes followed Ashton’s hands down south, watching him carefully retie the rope around his stomach. The dark haired boy had a million questions on his mind, but was afraid of the answers to all of them.

“So…are we really not getting details?” Michael asked, the same smirk from earlier appearing on his face.

Ashton nearly choked on his coffee when Michael said this, and Calum could feel his own eyes grow wide from a mixture of fear and curiosity.

“Michael –” Ashton began, but Luke cut him off.

“Michael’s right.” Luke finally said, crossing his arms to match Michaels. Ashton’s mouth dropped at this, and Calum just stared in amazement. “You and Calum have been very vague about this whole thing, and I think if we’re ever going to get past this completely we should all know exactly what happened.”

“I can’t believe you.” Ashton said, glaring at Luke. “Neither of you are getting any details, and we are all perfectly able to get past this without them. It’s none of your business. We’re all still best friends, and after today everything is going to go back to normal. We’ll be the same bros we were yesterday.”

It was Michael’s turn to choke on his drink. “Oh, I’m sorry; I didn’t know ‘being bros’ meant getting each other off when we felt like it.”

Ashton rolled his eyes, losing his patience even further, while Luke snorted at Michael’s comment.

“‘Oh hey, bro, let me just blow you, but you know, just as a bro. No homo.’” Michael mocked, setting Luke off the edge in laughing. Ashton still looked indignant, but Calum couldn’t help himself but let out a giggle. Ashton’s eyes shot in Calum’s direction, but didn’t look necessarily angry – just confused.

“‘Bro…your hand looks a little heavy, let me hold it for you, bro.’” Luke mocked as well, high fiving Michael immediately afterward. Michael’s laughter grew as Luke followed his lead. Calum joined their laughter, unable to fight it anymore, and he could see a reluctant yet growing smile on Ashton’s face.

“‘Bro, for the last time we’re not kissing, I’m just moistening your lips.’” Michael finally stated, setting all four boys off in a fit of laughter, including Ashton.

“You guys are the worst.” Ashton said, rubbing his eyes but looking considerably better than when he first woke up.

“You love us.” Michael stated evenly, standing up from the table and going over to hug Ashton. Luke joined him immediately, and Calum followed in suit, hugging the eldest boy in his chair until he begged them for air.

“But on a serious note,” Michael began as he returned to his seat. “As long as you two are okay, then I guess I trust you guys to be okay. Even if we don’t get the details.”

“Yeah.” Luke nodded in agreement. “I think we’ve all done weird shit with each other before. We’ll be fine.”

Calum looked over at Ashton, who was already staring back at him. There was a concerned, yet soft look in his eyes, as if trying to read what was on Calum’s mind without asking him out loud.

“As long as you’re okay,” Ashton stated, his voice small and unsure. “You know, with me and everything.”

To be honest, the answer was _no._ Calum had so many questions, and he didn’t want to leave this situation with them unanswered. But there was so much pressure weighing on his shoulders to say yes and to drop it for the sake of the band that the dark haired boy felt like he didn’t have a choice. Maybe this was more important than Calum’s conscience coming to peace with what happened. Maybe it really didn’t matter, whether he knew the whole story or not, and Calum was just blowing it out of proportion.

So in the end, Calum just nodded and smiled back at Ashton. “Of course, mate. Like Luke said, we’ve all done weirder shit than this.”

“About that…” Ashton turned his head to Luke. “What instance we’re you referencing to when you said that?”

“Nothing in particular, just a lot of things.” Luke concluded, not looking any of the boys in the eye.

“Well, now that this is settled,” Michael began, standing up from the table as Calum took his first sip of coffee, “Calum and I need to go get ready for writing today, because we’re supposed to leave in about 15 minutes.”

Calum nearly spit out his coffee when he heard this. “WHAT!? Why didn’t you tell me we had to go so soon?”

“No time for arguing,” Ashton scolded, more at Michael who was about to throw a snarky comment back. “Just go get ready, Calum. You’ll have time to kill Michael later.”

“I’ll make sure to put it in my schedule.” Calum said angrily as he followed Michael out of the kitchen.

“You might want to take a shower, dude.” Michael yelled at Calum as he ran down the hall to his room. “You know, so you can wash that cum out of your hair.”

Calum immediately froze, and began to run his hands through his hair expectantly. When he heard a roar of laughter from the kitchen that was undoubtedly Michael, Calum rolled his eyes and looked back at him.

“I can’t believe you actually checked to see if you had cum in your hair!” Michael said between breaths.

“I really do hate you.” Calum said, but he couldn’t help but laugh at himself with the pale boy.

~~~

Three days had passed since the day Calum woke up next to Ashton, and younger boy wasn’t doing so great. Life had gone on normally in their LA house the four boys shared together – the boys were out writing when they needed to be, with who they needed to be with; they had their movie nights; they swam in the pool when they had time. On the outside, it seemed like nothing had changed – and maybe it hadn’t, really.

While the world continued to spin, Calum’s mind seemed to have stopped. Or, in better words, gotten stuck – stuck on the unknown. Calum trusted Ashton’s judgment – of everything that had happened in that room being insignificant enough for them to function in the same band together with no reproductions – but that didn’t mean Calum didn’t want to know what happened, just for peace of mind. He felt like he deserved that much; after all, it was his own body that Ashton touched, in some way that made Calum’s skin crawl – but not necessarily in a bad way. That was a whole other part of the problem that the dark haired boy wasn’t anywhere near prepared to tackle yet. Just finding out what exactly happened was all Calum was concerned with at that moment; everything else could be handled at another place and time.

The problem was, Calum felt like he had missed his window to ask the question. It then being three days after, the dark haired boy felt like bringing it up now would just be like beating a dead horse – everyone was already long past over it except him. He didn’t know what to do.

It was early afternoon on the fourth day when Calum decided he couldn’t take it anymore. Ashton and Luke had just come back from writing and had gone back to their own rooms, and Calum was sitting on the couch with Michael, watching some lifetime movie on ABC Family. Michael was texting away on his phone when dark haired boy finally opened his mouth.

“Michael?”

“Hm?”

“Can we talk?”

“I guess, if we have to.”

Michael smirked without making eye contact at Calum. Honestly, Calum wished he could ask for Luke’s advice first, but Michael was right there in that moment. Also, the dark haired boy knew Michael would give his honest opinion on what he should do.

“It’s kind of serious, actually.”

At this, Michael’s attention was immediately ripped away from his phone, staring directly at Calum. The pale boy looked as if he was trying to decipher what it could be by Calum’s facial expression, and after a few seconds of failure, Michael sat up and faced him.

“What is it Cal?”

“It’s…uh…” Calum rubbed his neck, trying to not lose the courage he had been spending the last 3 days building up for this moment. “It’s about Ashton…and…the other night…”

Calum had half expected Michael to lose it and laugh at him, but to the younger boy’s surprise he continued looking a serious as before. Taking advantage of Michael’s sincerity, Calum quickly explained the situation – having blacked out and not being able to remember anything – to the other boy. Michael nodded throughout the entire explanation, surprisingly staying very quiet.

“So…are you going to talk to him about it?” Michael finally said when Calum had finished.

“I want to.” Calum said honestly, feeling like the weight of the world had been lifted off his shoulder after admitting this. “But I feel like bringing it up now would just be…redundant? Like, is it too late to bring it up?”

“Of course not, dude. I would bring it up if I were you. I couldn’t stand not knowing the truth.” Michael said.

“Okay.” Calum replied, smiling at his best friend.

Michael smiled back at him. “When are you going to do it?”

“I guess whenever the next opportunity comes up.” Calum answered.

“Well…what’s stopping you from asking him right now?” The older boy suggested. “Ashton’s alone in his room as we speak.”

“Oh…” Calum responded, not having thought this far ahead. “I mean, I would prefer for it to be some time when we’re completely alone, you know? Maybe next week, when you and Luke are out writing.”

“When you’re completely alone?” Michael questioned. “Why didn’t you just say so!”

The older boy was suddenly on his feet, heading to the hallway to their left where Calum and Luke’s rooms were. “LUKE! GET SOME PANTS ON, WE’RE GOING TO STARBUCKS!”

“What?” A distant yell came back. Calum watched Michael roll his eyes and head down the hallway, only gone for a few moments before he was dragging a tall blond boy by the arm behind him.

“You don’t even like Starbucks! Why are we going?” Luke complained while clumsily pulling a red snapback on his head.

“You’re right, Luke, I don’t like Starbucks. But _you_ do!” Michael said excitingly, pulling his green jacket over his shoulders while the blond boy behind him blushed. “So, Calum, We’ll be back in about THIRTY MINUTES.” Michael emphasized on the last two words, grabbing his sunglasses and wallet before heading to the door. “SO WHATEVER YOU NEED TO GET DONE, GET IT DONE IN THIRTY MINUTES!”

“What are you talking about!?” Was the last thing Calum heard Luke say before the door was closed behind them.

Being suddenly alone in the first floor of the house set a certain kind of realness of the situation, one Calum had been trying to avoid before. But now it was here, and he was here and Ashton was too, just a floor about the dark haired boy. Calum gulped verbally and went to the fridge, grabbing two beers before heading up to Ashton’s room, as if somehow having the beers would make it less awkward.

Calum knocked on the door, and Ashton opened it a second later. He was on the phone, but motioned for the younger boy to come in, mouthing the words “Almost done.” The curly haired boy took the beer after Calum opened for him and took a gulp, continuing to listen to whoever was on the other end.

“Aw, I’m glad you had a great day, Harry! I’d love to talk longer, but I’ve got to get going. Tell mom and Lauren I love them! Bye bud!”

“You didn’t have to hang up on your family for me.” Calum said after Ashton had hung up, feeling guilty.

“Dude, its fine.” Ashton said sincerely. “If anything you were saving me. I love talking to my brother, but after 15 minutes of hearing about his crush over and over again, I was ready for a break.”

Ashton’s smiled at Calum before taking another drink of beer, making Calum feel all weird inside. Those feeling were NOT the kind Calum needed to have going into this conversation. The younger boy quickly took a big sip of his beer before setting it down on the bedside table.

“Where are the other boys?” Ashton asked nonchalantly.

“They went out for coffee.”

“But Michael hate’s –”

“Luke wanted to go.”

“Ah.” Ashton nodded. “Makes sense.”

A short silence followed before Calum finally found his voice.

“Uh, Ashton?” Calum began, not really sure the best way to ask. He had rehearsed this a hundred times over and over in his head, but for some reason he seemed to have forgotten every possible way he could ask in that moment.

Luckily, Ashton came to the rescue and scooted over in his bed – which he was lounging on top of – to give Calum some space to lay next to him. Calum took the offer, though felt strangely odd about it since they were about to discuss in detail what happened in that bed only a few nights ago.

“I have a confession to make.” Calum announced, feeling the lump in his throat as he did.

“Okay.” Ashton giggled a little, obviously not taking Calum’s stern outward expression seriously.

“I don’t really know how to say this.” Calum admitted, finally catching Ashton’s full and honest attention the older boy rearranged himself so he was laying on his side, looking at Calum while the younger boy laid on his back. “So I’m just going to say it.”

“Go for it, bro.” Ashton said, patting Calum’s chest in an attempt to calm the dark haired boy, really just causing the opposite effect.

Calum took a deep sigh, and finally let it out.

“I blacked out the night we went out.”

Ashton’s facial expression barely changed, just stared at Calum intensely.

“Like…I don’t remember anything.” Calum stated. “At all. At least anything after we got to the bar.”

“Oh.” Was all that Ashton said at first. A small silence followed, and when Calum finally looked back up at Ashton the older boy had a slight grin on his face. “Really?”

“Yeah.” Calum responded, and once he saw the corners of Ashton’s mouths curving upward he knew he didn’t have a chance. Ashton let out a small laugh, maybe more out of nervousness than actual amusement, but Calum joined in a second later, resulting in the two boys being doubled over in laughter on the bed.

Ashton was wiping his eyes when his giggles finally let up. “I can’t believe you waited this long to tell me! This is hysterical!”

“Sorry.” Calum responded, fixing his hair slightly.

“Why bring it up now, though?” The older boy asked, scratching his stomach and accidentally pulling his shirt up so Calum could see his hips. Calum suddenly was violently reminded of the morning he fell out of the bed he was in and saw Ashton’s naked top half, having just been pressed against him.  “Why did you wait four days to say it?”

Calum shook his head until he was back in reality. “Oh yeah. There’s actually a reason.”

“Well, do tell.” Ashton said, a big grin plastered on his face, seeming completely comfortable with this topic. This gave Calum the confidence to jump on the subject, and directly ask Ashton to retell the events that happened that night in detail.

Calum watched Ashton’s face fall as the words spilled out of his mouth. The older boy’s brows furrowed slightly, mouth opening to say something and then closing without a word. Within a few seconds, Calum already regretted the whole thing.

“Never mind,” Calum said quickly, beginning to get off the bed, “It’s no big deal, I’m –”

“No, No, No! Wait!” Ashton said as he put a hand on Calum’s chest, voice still sounding as chipper as before. “I just…I was just caught off guard…I guess I’m just surprised you’re interested in knowing.”

“Well, yeah.” Calum said, trying to remember the confidence Michael gave him when he first presented his idea to talk to Ashton about this. “It’s my body, and you’re my best friend, I think I deserve to know what happened.”

“Of course,” Ashton said quickly. “I wasn’t trying to say I didn’t think you should know, I –”

“Then start whenever you’re ready.”

Ashton looked surprised at Calum’s forwardness, and honestly Calum was just as surprised at him. It must have been his subconscious that forced him into saying that, pushing the anxiety outward to make room for this new burst of confidence. Nonetheless, Ashton re-positioned himself on the bed so he was sitting up with his back against the bedframe, and Calum turned to face him while lying on his side. Ashton made quick eye contact with the younger boy before running a hand through his hair and starting from the beginning.

“So we got there around 11, and began drinking as soon as we walked in. You remember that much, right?”

Calum nodded in response. “I also remember something about Karaoke and Shakira?”

Ashton broke his serious face with a smile at that. “Oh yeah. It took a few drinks before you finally agreed to get on that stage with me to sing Hips Don’t Lie.”

Calum covered his face with his hands. “Please tell me there aren’t any videos.”

“I haven’t checked. I’m surprised you haven’t either – you were the one who couldn’t remember anything. I would have expected you to have searched the entire web for anything that could have possibly happened that night.”

“Guess I was scared at what I’d find.” Calum admitted in a whisper. He glanced up at Ashton to see him nodding slightly, and then continuing with the story.

“Well, if there are any video’s you would probably have been impressed. We both got very into the song – me more with the singing, you more with the dancing.”

“Oh god.” Calum laughed with his eyes shut, leading Ashton into a fit of laughter too.

“It wasn’t bad! You were actually really good!” Ashton admitted. “After our ‘performance’, we got down from the stage to get a few more drinks, but you still wanted to dance. I was tired from all the moving around and singing at the top of my lungs, along with the tiredness that just comes with being drunk that I refused, and well…you didn’t take no for an answer.”

There was a sudden serious weight in the air that wasn’t there before when Ashton paused, and Calum took a deep breath before continuing.

“You began to dance on me. Well, first around me, then when I was just laughing at you, you began to dance on me to try to get a different reaction out of me. At first it was funny, and I just let you while I sat in the chair at our table, but you didn’t really let up…over time you just became more and more explicit.

“And I didn’t stop you.”

Ashton paused again, and Calum really just wished he would get on with the story. Calum knew something like this would have to be discussed, and he was ready to get it over with.

“You began to sit on my lap and grind your ass on me. You were ‘showing me how your hips didn’t lie’, in your words. I laughed and tried to push you off, but I was super drunk and becoming hornier every second, and you just _wouldn’t stop_ dancing on me. So I got hard. And you noticed. And instead of backing off like a normal person would, you turned yourself so you were facing me while sitting on me, and you kissed me.”

Ashton paused yet again, more so Calum could process the information. So Ashton was the first one to get hard – that gave Calum some upper hand. But then again, Calum was the one who kissed him first

So maybe they were even.

“You were teasing me about getting hard, but it took only seconds really to get you hard as well after we started kissing. I had my hands on your ass and your hips and was moving them on me, guiding you to grind down on me in the middle of that club with our body guards around us.”

Calum nodded, trying to not thing about it that deeply, as well as not creating a mental image of it. He figured now was not the time.

“After a little while of this, you began to try to undo my belt in horny-drunk-frustration, so instead of denying you completely I told you I would let you if we could make it back to the house in one piece. And I kept my promise.”

Ashton finally looked at Calum, not having even glanced at the younger boy in a while – he had been staring at the wall across from them, and maybe at the ceiling and maybe anywhere else in the room that wasn’t Calum. Ashton’s hands were shaking slightly as he ran a hand through his hair again, the other placed awkwardly on his stomach as if he didn’t know where else to put it. Calum didn’t know what to do to give the older boy to comfort him and make him not be nervous, so Calum just nodded.

“We continues kissing and…touching on the way back to the house. I don’t remember why we decided to go to my room even though yours is on the first floor – maybe I suggested it? Anyways, we came up here and we both undressed and you pulled me on the bed on top of you and we just…we couldn’t really decide what to do, we didn’t really know _what_ to do, but we were both so drunk and horny that you began grinding up on me and it felt good, so I returned the favor until we…you know.”

“Yep, I know.” Calum said quickly, just now noticing how dry his mouth was after listening to that.

“Well…I guess that’s really it. We fell asleep afterwards, I assume you knew that much.”

Ashton chuckled a little bit, and Calum tried to laugh too, but he was just so shocked. He wasn’t even really sure he was shocked about – he supposed he should have been ecstatic that they didn’t actually have sex like he had feared, but this somehow seemed worse. It seemed more like they were both just trying to get themselves off on each other, which maybe should have been good news to Calum, but it wasn’t. There was a dark and cold feeling in the back of Calum’s mind – and maybe his heart – that he really wished he didn’t feel.

It was disappointment.

“So…yeah.” Ashton nodded, leaning over Calum to grab his beer off the table. “Um, I think that pretty much covers everything, bro. Any other questions?”

Calum let his eyes travel over Ashton’s body as the older boy took a drink, knowing that the moment Calum said “no” that the subject would be dropped forever. The two boys would most likely never speak of this again, and even though Calum knew why, he resented it. He hated to admit it, but he was bitter at himself for not being able to remember the night, remember the way Ashton’s lips felt, or the way he sounded when he came. The younger boy sighed slightly as his eyes lazily glossed over Ashton’s loose t-shirt down to his tight black jeans, admiring how they clung so tightly to his hips and his –

Calum’s eyes went wide as he stared at a certain part of Ashton’s body, gulping as he felt his face get red and goose bumps scatter across his skin. Remarkably, he got a rush of confidence at this sight instead of alarm. He smirked up at Ashton.

“Actually, yes.” Calum began, raising an eyebrow at Ashton’s surprised stare back as the older boy took another sip of beer. “Did you really get a boner retelling me that story?”

Ashton choked on his beer, spilling a little on his shirt and then enduring a coughing fit. “What!?”

“I’m not blind, _bro_.” Calum grinned up at Ashton, motioning with his hands to Ashton’s bulge. A horrified look crossed the curly haired boy’s face before Calum’s eyes scrunched shut as he began to laugh.

“Shut up, Cal!” Ashton scolded, not a hint of amusement evident in his voice. “That’s not fair, you literally just made me retell an instance where I was hard. ALSO, MIGHT I ADD, YOU WERE HARD AS WELL.”

“Yeah, but I was drunk then.” Calum protested, wiggling his eyebrows at a very red faced Ashton. “And you’re not now, and you were able to get a boner just by the simple memory of the situation.”

Ashton looked speechless, unable to say anything in response to Calum. Calum smirked at his obvious victory, laughing a little and hoping Ashton would join, but he wouldn’t. The younger boy wasn’t too surprised – Ashton wasn’t a huge fan of having his pride hurt, but Calum was so high on the relief he got from the knowledge Ashton gave him that he didn’t really care Ashton’s pride was offended.

“Are you insinuating that I can’t get you hard when you’re sober?”

Calum froze, looking up into Ashton’s eyes. The younger boy honestly couldn’t tell if Ashton was serious or not, only offering a raised eyebrow in Calum’s direction. The air in the room seemed to thicken immediately, and the dark haired boy suddenly felt very hot and slightly uncomfortable, but not in a bad way. His eyes fell back to Ashton’s bulge, abruptly realizing that Ashton had made no real effort to hide his boner from Calum. It was almost as if it was staring Calum in the face, challenging in him kind of the same way Ashton seemed to be in that moment.

“Well?” Ashton asked, seeming slightly annoyed by Calum’s silence.

Only a small silence followed before Calum stammered out, “Is – is that a challenge?”

“Dunno.” Ashton said almost too easily, and when Calum looked back up at him, the older boy’s eyes were no were near Calum’s. They were examining the younger boy’s body. “Want to make it one?”

Calum wondered if Ashton had gone insane when the curly haired boy moved his hand to the side of Calum’s face, cupping it. The younger boy wanted to flinch away, but he forced himself not to. Ashton paused for a second, as if waiting for Calum to back out, before he applied pressure with his index finger to the spot right underneath the dark haired boy’s ear. Calum winced immediately – that spot always being sensitive to him – and Ashton smirked at this reaction. Before Calum had a chance to ask Ashton how he knew that spot did things to Calum, the older boy leaned over the other boy – in somewhat of an awkward fashion – to connect his lips to the same spot he had applied pressure before.

The younger boy gasped out loud, instinctively gripping Ashton’s wrist in shock. But he wasn’t doing it to pull him away – he was doing it to keep him there. Ashton got the message, and rested his hand one the center of Calum’s chest. Calum’s mind was all over the place – confused and amazed with a mixture of lust – that only heightened when Ashton bit over the vein there slightly before beginning to suck on the soft skin.

A raspy moan ripped its way out of Calum’s throat, a combination of euphoria and annoyance at how awkward their position was. Ashton was leaning over Calum so the younger boy’s nose was pressed tightly into Ashton’s shoulder, and Calum could only imagine how uncomfortable Ashton was.

“Wait one sec.” Calum said suddenly, pulling Ashton away from him.

“I’m almost –”

“No, I’ll let u – I just – C’mere.”

Calum managed to get one of his hands to grip Ashton’s hip to pull the older boy on top of him. Ashton got the message, so he swung his leg over Calum to straddle him. Ashton’s dick pressed against Calum’s lower stomach, which made the younger boy bite his lip and snap his eyes shut as Ashton continued on his neck.

It had only been a few minutes, and Calum could feel his dick half hard in his pants. Calum considered saying something to Ashton about the older boy winning whatever kind of game this was, but he was so lost in the moment and the way Ashton was making him feel that the thought left his mind immediately. He ran his hands along Ashton’s back, pushing his hands under Ashton’s t-shirt. This immediately got Ashton’s attention, and the older boy pulled his head back to look at Calum, looking cautious.

“Um, Cal, can I…take this off?” Calum was nodding before Ashton had even finished his sentence. Ashton sat up completely – applying much needed pressure to Calum’s dick, sending waves of pleasure through the younger boy’s bones – grabbing the back of his shirt and pulling it over his head, discarding it across the room somewhere. Ashton began to lead down instinctively but then paused, awkwardly looking at Calum, as if for permission for something. Calum quirked an eyebrow back in curiosity. Ashton seemed to decide to just go for it, because his right hand was suddenly cupping Calum’s face and bringing his own face to Calum’s. The younger boy’s stomach flipped as Ashton kissed him, more sweetly than anything else.

The initially kiss seemed to last forever – Calum’s hand resting naturally on the back of Ashton’s neck, both of Ashton’s hands cupping Calum’s face, and Calum couldn’t believe they hadn’t been doing this for years when it was so wonderful. He loved the way Ashton’s hair fell on his face, and the way the older boy’s lips felt against Calum’s own, even if they were slightly chapped. The older boy kissed Calum like his life depended on it, like he would never have the chance to do this again, so he savored it. Even when the kiss turned sloppy, with Ashton’s hands deep in Calum’s hair and Calum’s tongue sliding against Ashton’s, the dark haired boy felt like there was something very serious behind the kiss that he couldn’t exactly pinpoint.

“Is this what you wanted all along?” Ashton said in Calum’s ear, grinding his clothed cock against Calum’s, making the younger boy’s eyes roll back in his head.

“W-What?”

“Please, Cal.” Ashton chuckled darkly, kissing along Calum’s jawline and tugging the skin a little when he felt like it, making Calum tighten his grip on Ashton’s shoulders. “Don’t treat me like I’m an idiot. You didn’t want me to tell you the story of what happened that night – you wanted round two.”

The idea set Calum off, gripping Ashton’s back and grinding up into the older boy. Calum was now extremely aware of exactly what he wanted, any and all confusion aside. Ashton groaned as he forced himself to pull away from Calum’s neck to tug on his lose tank top.

“Off. You too. And we might as well everything else.”

Calum didn’t argue as Ashton got off of him momentarily so Calum could pull his shirt off, as well as to get his own pants off. The ridiculousness of the situation and how they got there was overwhelming, so Calum continued to push it to the back of his mind. All he focused on was the fact that he wanted this with Ashton, and Ashton wanted it with him too. That was enough for now.

The dark haired boy struggled to pull his skinny jeans off, and he heard Ashton giggle at him.

“Shut up.” Calum said, but could feel his eyes crinkling in the corners as he laughed lightly too. Ashton eventually leaned over and grabbed the waistband of Calum’s jeans and ripped them off for him, and then got on top of the younger boy again, both only having one layer of clothing covering their cocks.

“Is this alright?” Ashton asked, petting the side of Calum’s face. Calum kissed him in response, and with that Ashton thrust down harshly. Calum could feel Ashton’s fully hard cock rub against his own, and noted the impressive size of it as he moaned into Ashton’s mouth. The older boy set the pace, starting off slow and slowly increasing the speed of his hips against Calum’s as time went on.

Calum moved his hands to grip Ashton’s hipbones, helping him move impossibly faster against him. Calum’s dick was leaking precum in his boxers, and his dick felt so good with Ashton’s against his. This was heaven.

Ashton had been mostly quiet during this, except for a few grunts here and there, but as his hips began to move more desperately he began to whisper needy things into Calum’s ear.

“God. Fuck. Cal, you’re so hot. So good. So smooth. So perfect.” Ashton’s voice choked off as Calum began to thrust upwards to meet Ashton’s hips to increase the pleasure. Calum gripped Ashton’s shoulders to better angle himself when he felt himself approach his orgasm, too soon, moaning into the space between them as his only warning.

“ _Fuck_.” Ashton breathed out in response to Calum coming, burying his own face in Calum’s neck as he rode out his own orgasm, groaning loud and explicitly in Calum’s ear as he came himself.

Both boys were breathing heavily as their hips finally came to a stop, Calum kissing Ashton’s shoulder until Ashton finally lifted his head to kiss Calum’s lips. Their kisses were deep but somehow light, like they were both a little nervous and unsure of what their next move after this should be.

Luckily, they didn’t have to make the decision themselves, because they both heard the front door of the house slam open.

Ashton froze above Calum, looking into the younger boys eyes with a sense of horror in his own.

“HEY LOSERS, WE’RE HOME!” They heard Michael’s voice ring out from the first floor.

“We brought croissants!” A much more excited voice that belonged to Luke said.

“Fuck.” Ashton and Calum said at the same time. The boys seemed to have an unsaid conversation with their eyes right before Ashton fell off of Calum and Calum immediately got off the bed, scrambling around for his clothes.

“You go downstairs first, I’ll follow in a few minutes.” Ashton said quickly, searching for his own clothes on the ground.

“Got it.” The younger boy said as he attempted to pull his skinny jeans back on quickly before resulting to grabbing a pair of Ashton’s sweatpants on the floor. Calum didn’t enjoy the feeling he had in his boxers of the sticky cum that resided there, but he didn’t seem to have time to fix it.

“Go go go!” Ashton waved his hands at Calum to leave, but not in a mean way. Calum knew the urgency of the situation as well as Ashton – none of the boys had any respectable boundaries for knocking before entering any rooms in the house, so Calum understood Ashton’s fear of Michael or Luke walking in on them before they were fully clothed.

Calum was still fixing his shirt correctly as he put his hand on the handle of the door and exited, pulling the door shut behind him and leaning on it for a second, trying to catch his thoughts in his head. He only had a moment to do so before he heard footsteps on the stars, seeing Michael’s face only seconds later.

“Hey dude.” Michael said, waving his hand that didn’t have a croissant in it at Calum as he walked closer. “So, how did it go? Did he tell you everything that happened?”

“Uh, yeah.” Calum said, trying to not look out of breath. “I think I have a pretty good idea of what happened now.”

“Good for you.” Michael said, nodding at the dark haired boy as he passed him and continued to walk to his own room down the hall. “And you’re welcome, by the way, for leaving and taking the Starbucks fanatic so you guys could talk.”

“Thank you.” Calum said genuinely. He would have walked over to hug Michael if he didn’t feel so disgusting in his lower half at that moment. Michael simply smiled in response as he shut his bedroom door behind him.

Calum took a deep breath, and considered walking back into Ashton’s room to talk to him about what just happened. They should talk, he knew that. But even though they had just shared a very intimate moment – hard to get any more intimate than that – Calum felt uncomfortable reentering the room. He feared what Ashton would say – maybe he would tell Calum that all of it was a huge mistake. Calum couldn’t handle that. Not right now, while he still didn’t have his own thoughts completely sorted.

So instead of facing the problem head on, Calum decided to avoid it the problem – something he was very good at doing – by walking away from it, downstairs and to the right, and down the hallway to his own room, so he could clean up and maybe get one of those croissants Luke and Michael brought with them.

~~~

“Cal.” A distant voice rang in Calum’s left ear; the one that wasn’t smashed into a pillow. The voice repeated itself, seeming to get closer and closer the more Calum came into consciousness. When it was said a third time, the dark haired boy shuddered and shot his eyes open, recognizing the voice as Ashton’s.

“Sorry, bro.” Ashton whispered, his hair pulled out of his face into a bun behind his head and his glasses sitting on his nose. “I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“It’s fine.” Calum replied groggily, heart still beating fast as he tried to stare into Ashton’s eyes instead of his bare chest. “Why’d you wake me up?”

“Oh.” Ashton said, looking a little disappointed. “It’s Wednesday, Cal. We always go to the gym on Wednesday mornings.”

“Oh,” Calum responded, putting the pieces together in his head. “You’re right. I must’ve forgotten to set my alarm, fuck.”

“It’s okay.” Ashton responded, patting Calum’s hip through the covers. The younger boy blushed at the touch, and then scolded himself for it. “You don’t have to go; I’m fine with going by myself.”

Calum considered it for a moment. He and Ashton had been going to the gym every Wednesday morning at 9am for the past month. Michael shamelessly refused to ever accompany them, and after having to deal with the monster that is Luke Hemmings in the morning the first time they went, Calum and Ashton never asked the blonde to go again. It had quickly become a routine for them that Calum thoroughly enjoyed – even if it meant sacrificing a little sleep just to spend time with the older boy, just the two of them.

As warm and comfy as his own bed was, Calum couldn’t resist the opportunity.

“Nah, I’ll come.” Calum said, ruffling his untamed curly black hair with his fingers. “Just give me, like, five minutes.”

“So ten minutes then, in Calum time?” Ashton said with a dimply smile, so contagious that Calum found himself smiling stupidly back.

“You know me so well.” Calum teased back, shaking his head as Ashton headed out of the room, most likely heading to the kitchen to make some coffee.

So, in all fairness, Calum knew Ashton very well also. Or at least he thought he had.

Ashton wasn’t the kind of guy to let an elephant in the room go undiscussed. If there was something going on between any of the four band mates that all of them were trying to avoid talking about – for example, the first day that the older boy came down the stairs to see Calum and Michael fighting on the ground about the truth of what happened the night prior – he would sit everyone down and have a long open conversation about it. It was just in his personality; he hated awkwardness, and always tried to use all of any of his control over an awkward situation to make it comfortable again.

So naturally, Calum assumed Ashton would have addressed what they did in Ashton’s room the other day within 24 hours of it happening. But he didn’t.

Their interactions since then had been less than ideal. Ashton spent a lot of time alone in his room or out jogging their neighborhood, while Calum kept himself glued to either Luke or Michael’s side whenever Ashton was in the room. Even Luke had noticed the unusual tension between them, asking Calum if they had gotten in an argument of some kind. The dark haired boy responded that he had no idea what Luke was talking about, so the blond dropped the subject easily. But Calum hadn’t.

That was why Calum hadn’t set his alarm the night before. He assumed Ashton would be relieved to not have to spend any more time than he had to with Calum, since the older boy seemed fine with ignoring him the past few days.

Calum couldn’t deny that he was reassured when Ashton still wanted the younger boy to go to the gym with him. Maybe they weren’t ever going to talk about “round two”, and they would just go back to being their old selves after this.

Anything was better than this.

~~~

Going to the gym with Ashton turned out to be a bad decision, but not for the reason that Calum would have expected. Calum anticipated 3 hours of awkward interactions and awkward eye contact with the older boy while still trying to focus on whatever equipment he decided to use in the gym. Instead, Calum had to endure 3 hours of trying to not get hard from watching Ashton’s muscles move in his arms and legs as he used the treadmill while the younger boy used the weights across the room from him. The curly haired boy has his headphones in and seemed to be completely content and focused in his own little world. Ashton’s legs and arms were bare, muscles and veins prominent. Calum rolled his eyes at himself as he tried (and hopelessly failed) to focus on working out himself without the obvious distraction.

When they switched after 90 minutes, Calum was just adjusting himself to the treadmill when he spotted an old man across the room at the weights, trying to lift something that was way too heavy for him. Ashton seemed to notice it too, because the older boy walked over to him and began a discussion with him. Calum couldn’t hear what they were talking about, but he did hear Ashton’s stupidly cute loud laughter a few minutes later. The younger boy then watched Ashton help the older man find some weights that wouldn’t be too much for him, and then continued to spot him for all of them. Calum felt a pang of affection and fondness for the kindness and generosity Ashton seemed to have for everyone he ever had the slightest interaction with. It wasn’t until many moments later that Calum even realized he was smiling by the pain his cheeks felt from being pushed up with his smile for so long.

He couldn’t help but think this might be a problem.

~~~

Calum shut the door behind him and Ashton after they got into the house, both kicking off their shoes before making their way to the living room. The TV was on and the Xbox was plugged in, while two very sleepy-looking boys sat on the couch across from it, playing Grand Theft Auto.

“Thank GOD you guys are here.” Michael sighed in relief, pausing the game. He and Luke both turned to face the other boys.

“What did you bring back for lunch?” Luke asked with a smile.

“Um, Nothing?” Calum responded, confused at why both Luke and Michael’s faces fell with this response.

“Are you kidding me?” Michael asked. When Ashton and Calum exchanged confused looks, Michael sighed loudly and slammed the back of his head into the couch.

“I texted you guys to bring back burgers or something! Did you not get them!?”

“My phone died at like, ten this morning.” Ashton responded.

“I forgot my phone here.” Calum stated.

“Well what the fuck kind of band mates are you?!” Luke complained, only half kidding.

“I guess this is it, Lukey.” Michael stated, reaching to put a hand on Luke’s shoulder. “We’re going to die of starvation, all because our bass player and drummer hate our guts.”

“Are you two serious!?” Calum accused, glaring at the two blonds who were attempting to look innocent on the couch.

“You probably passed, like, three different fast food places on the way here,” Luke argued. “And it would have literally taken 4 minutes out of your day to stop buy and get a few things for lunch. But instead you took the lazy way out and just came home.”

“Calum and I wake up at the crack of dawn,” Ashton began, having the same glare in his eyes that Calum did, “to go exercise our bodies to stay healthy, while the two of you probably only woke up 10 minutes ago and are playing video games. AND YOURE YELLING AT _US_ FOR BEING THE LAZY ONES!?”

“Ashton’s right.” Michael agreed. “That argument was weak, Luke. We could’ve just acted helpless and cute until they felt sorry for us and prepared lunch.”

“Who’s side are you on!?” Luke’s eyebrows furrowed as he stared at the bleach blond boy. “I thought the plan was to guilt them into going out and getting us food by making them feel bad they missed or texts.”

“No,” Michael shook his head. “That was plan B, _only if they didn’t feel sorry for our cute and tired selves._ ”

“Well, maybe you should make that more clear next time.” Luke rebuked.

“Guys.” Calum said, hoping everyone would catch their breath while he talked. “We have a shit ton of bread and lunchmeat in the fridge. Ever consider making a sandwich yourself?”

“Sandwich?” Michael’s eyes filled with hope and excitement at this word. “Cal! Remember that amazing roast beef and turkey sandwich you made for me, like, a week ago?! That was so good. You’re like, the best sandwich maker there is.”

“Don’t even try, Mike, I see what you’re –”

“But have you tried Ashton’s sandwiches?” Luke intervened, looking up at Ashton. “He can make a mean ham and cheese. Isn’t that right Ash?”

“Yeah, I do.” Ashton admitted in a shrug. “I’m probably the best sandwich maker in the house, hands down.”

“Excuse me?” Calum asked, raising an eyebrow at Ashton. “What makes you think you’re a better sandwich maker than me?”

“Well, for one I have more experience.” Ashton said with confidence. “I used to make sandwiches for all three of you lazy lads back when we were in London in 2013. Also, I’m just a natural chef, so I think it’s really just a given.”

“I don’t think it takes a chef to make a good sandwich,” Calum began, shaking his head and rolling his eyes at Ashton. “But whatever you say.”

“You think you can make a better sandwich than me?”

Calum analyzed the older boy, a few seconds of silence passing between them. Ashton had a cocky grin on his face, and a challenging look in his eyes that similar to the day they were in his room, when Ashton challenged Calum to a very different task. There was a less serious tone behind it this time, though – this one more playful, more _normal._ It gave Calum a feeling of familiarity, something he hadn’t felt around Ashton in nearly a week. It was so refreshing and comforting that Calum decided to take the bait.

“Definitely, _bro._ ”

Calum smirked back at Ashton, and before the eldest boy could respond, Luke and Michael were both on their feet, yelling “COOK OFF!”

~~~

15 minutes and many condiments later, and Calum and Ashton are handing over their perfectly made sandwiches to the judges – Michael and Luke. The two boys took their time chewing, taking multiple bites and making faces as if they were in deep thought. Calum and Ashton stood at the end of the table, both of their arms crossed and waiting for the verdict.

After trading sandwiches and trying both, Michael spoke first.

“What were terms to this match again?”

“Whoever makes the best sandwich, wins.” Calum confirmed. “And loser has to make lunch every day for the next week.”

“Right.” Luke says, sharing a knowing glance with the pale boy at the table with him. “Well, then I guess the winner is obvious, isn’t it Mike?”

“Definitely.” Michael said with a knowing grin on his face, right before he and luke said at the same time “CALUM!”

“YEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSS!” Calum screamed, throwing both his fists in the air in victory, while Ashton yelled “What the fuck!?” in disbelief.

“Yup, Calum is the winner we choose.” Luke nodded.

“This has to be a joke.” Ashton argued, even though there was a hint of a grin on his face. “There’s NO way his tastes better than mine! I toasted it on the oven and everything!”

“Don’t be such a sore loser.” Calum said through his grin, punching the older boy playfully in the arm.

“Yeah, don’t worry Ash.” Michael smirked. “You’re cooking was obviously better, so we said you lose so you’ll have to make us good food for the next week.”

“What?!” Ashton and Calum exclaimed at the same time, leading to Michael and Luke exploding in laughter.

“We’ll be waiting for our sandwiches, Ashy!” Michael called as grabbed Luke’s arm to head to the living room, most likely to play video games until their lunch was to be served to them.

“I can’t believe they played us at our own game.” Ashton shook his head, while Calum continued to giggle.

“I can’t believe you have to make our sandwiches for a week.” Calum smirked back, beginning to head out of the kitchen.

“Yeah, yeah.” Ashton sighed with a smile, taking off his flannel shirt before heading back to the fridge. Calum stopped in the doorway of the kitchen, eyes not having left Ashton’s body. The older boy was now only wearing a black tank top, tight on his torso and accenting his tan muscly arms. Calum felt himself gulp at the sight.

It was like watching a car wreck – he wanted to look away, but he couldn’t. He watched Ashton tie a bandana that had been on the coat rack around his hair and face his back to Calum, beginning to assemble the sandwiches. The muscles in Ashton’s back seemed to move every time he lifted a finger. Calum raked his eyes over him shamelessly, knowing Ashton had no idea that he was still there.

He shouldn’t want this. Calum knew that. He knew that ever since Ashton never instigated after there first time – or second time, if the instance Calum didn’t remember counted.  But as well rounded as his conscience was, Calum couldn’t deny the urge he felt inside him as his feet began to move him across the kitchen over to stand behind Ashton.

The dark haired boy stopped a few steps behind where Ashton stood. The older boy must have heard him, because without turning his back he stated: “Do you need something, Calum?”

“Nah.” Calum responded, crossing his arms over his chest as he breathed out, “Just enjoying the view.”

Ashton seemed to freeze completely, back still facing Calum. Before Calum could change his mind he slowly stepped forward, closing the space between he and Ashton. He could feel the heat radiating off of Ashton’s body onto his, the older boy’s back only a centimeter’s distance from his chest. Calum breathed out the last of his inhibition before leaning forward to Ashton’s ear.

“I was thinking I could give the real winner of this cook off a little reward.” Calum whispered before moving his lips down to the point where Ashton’s shoulder met his neck and he kissed it softly. Ashton let out a shaky breath but then moved his head to the side, allowing Calum more room to work. The younger boy smile as his hands found Ashton’s waist and held it as he bit softly on Ashton’s neck.

This went on a few minutes until Calum heard the older boy groan internally, as well as his hand move towards the front of his pants. Calum watched the curly haired boy palm himself through his gym shorts, feeling his own dick harden at the thought. Eventually Calum gave up on the hickey he was imprinting on Ashton’s neck to push his hand down the front of Ashton’s shorts.

Ashton gasped as Calum wrapped his hand around his cock, pushing the older boy’s shorts further down. Calum felt Ashton’s head fall back on the dark haired boy’s shoulder as Calum slowly stroked his hand over Ashton’s dick. It was the first time Calum had ever done this to another boy – at least that he could remember – but it was Ashton, his best friend, and he wasn’t scared. He twisted his hand as he worked him, occasionally applying pressure to the tip that seemed to knock the breath out of Ashton every time. Calum continued his pace until Ashton was fully hard.

At this point, Calum considered spinning Ashton around and getting down on his knees to finish the older boy off. It was incredible, really, how just a week ago the thought of doing anything gay with anyone – _especially_ his band mate and best friend – was a horrifying thought, and now it was all Calum wanted to do.  He could handle it, he thought to himself. He’s always known that he didn’t really have a gag reflex, and the thought of Ashton running his hands through Calum’s hair and telling him what a good job he was doing was almost enough to make Calum himself moan.

Oh how things have changed. Or maybe this is what he’s always wanted, and he just never had the chance to find it out. Either way was terrifying.

“Cal,” Ashton panted, beginning to fuck up into Calum’s hand while the dark haired boy ran his hand up Ashton’s abdomen. The hard muscles began to contract, and Calum knew he was close. “You’re so good at this, fuck.”

“I’ve been doing this since I was 14, so I would hope so.” Calum deadpanned, earning a giggle from Ashton’s end. Calum felt the corners of his mouth turn upwards at the sound of Ashton’s laugh – it was the most beautiful sound in the world to Calum – turning to look at the older boy’s face. Ashton’s eyes were closed as he giggled, mouth in the form of a smile until his laugh slowly turned into a breathy moan, something so cute and beautiful and radiant to Calum that the younger boy felt his heart jump in his chest.

Internally. Calum began to feel something deeper than lust, deeper than just horniness. Something so scary and real that the younger boy was relieved when Ashton’s breath began to stagger, grabbing the counter in front of him with his hands, and Calum’s free hand on his chest as he approached his orgasm.

“C’mon, Ash.” Calum said in a low voice, probably sounding wrecked by the way he tried to hide how his heart was thumping at an incredible speed in his chest. With that, Ashton grunted as he came, spilling himself all over his chest, as well as his and Calum’s hands.

They stood there for a second, before Calum’s feelings got the better of him and he spun Ashton around and pulled him into a kiss. Only a second of fear passed in the younger boy’s mind before Ashton was kissing back, cupping his hand on the side of Calum’s face, moving his lips against the other boy’s.

Calum’s mind was everywhere, but the major thing on his mind involved the morality of what he just did in regards to he and Ashton’s friendship. He couldn’t say he regretted what he just did, but he did believe he should’ve put more thought into what he was doing before he did it. Before he could consider it a minute more, their moment was ruined.

“Ashton, are you done with the sandwiches yet? Michael and I are star –”

Calum pulled his lips away from Ashton’s to stare at the doorway where Luke was frozen. The blond boy’s eyes were blown wide, and his mouth hung open as he stared at his band mates. Calum shamefully watched Luke’s eyes sink lower to Ashton’s softening dick, seeming to get even bigger when he realized what had just happened.

“Luke,” Ashton said, voice surprisingly completely composed. “Listen –”

Before Ashton could mutter another syllable, Luke darted from the doorway in the direction of the den. Ashton immediately went to follow him, but Calum grabbed his arm.

“You can’t just chase after him with your chest covered in cum and your dick flopping around!” Calum exclaimed in a harsh whisper, anxiety filling his bones at the thought of what Luke was telling Michael at that moment.

“Then help me wash this shit off!” Ashton whispered back desperately, running to the sink

Calum didn’t really help, but he washed the cum off his own hand off while Ashton quickly ripped off his cum-covered shirt. Within thirty seconds, the two boys were running down the hallway to the den.

“Finally!” Michael exclaimed from the couch, not even taking his eyes off the screen as he played his game. “Ashton, you’ve been making those sandwiches for hours it seems, they better be incredible.”

Calum’s eyes immediately fell on Luke. The youngest boy was lying next to and on top of Michael, arms wrapped around the pale boy’s middle and eyes glued on the TV, not daring to look up at either Calum or Ashton. The two standing boys looked at each other for a second, attempting to exchange a conversation without saying anything out loud. After realizing it wasn’t working, Ashton grabbed the dark haired boy’s wrist and dragged him back into the kitchen, saying a quick “They’ll be out in a second!” to Michael.

Michael yelled something (probably rude) back as the two boys stumbled into the kitchen. Calum opened his mouth to say something but the older boy beat him to it.

“Luke didn’t tell Michael.” Ashton stated in a relieved tone. “And it didn’t look like he had any plan to. We’re safe, bro.”

Ashton said this last bit with a little laugh, rubbing the back of his neck. Calum didn’t know what he was so relieved about, and every unanswered question in Calum’s mind seemed to have had enough.

“What are we doing?” Calum finally blurted out, holding his arms out in confusion. The real question in his mind was one word shorter, but he hadn’t enough confidence to ask that directly.

The smile fell off Ashton’s face as his eyes met Calum’s, and he scoffed. “I should be the one asking you this. Who’s the one who started this all three times?”

Calum’s jaw dropped at the accusation. “First of all, I was blackout drunk the first time. That can hardly be my fault. The second time you said you wanted to make it a competition. So if I’m counting correctly, we’re two-and-one, _bro_.”

Ashton opened his mouth to argue, but closed it again, seeming to have second thoughts. His face grew serious as he looked into Calum’s eyes, searching for something.

“Do you want this to stop?”

Ashton’s voice was small and scared, and it made Calum feel like a bully. At some point, Ashton had crossed his arms over his chest – but he appeared more as if he was pulling himself in instead of looking challenging like a stance like that would give off. Eventually, Calum sighed and shook his head a little.

“No.” Calum said, arms tight at his sides, resisting the urge to cross reach out for Ashton to rub his shoulder or touch him in an affectionate way to let him know it was alright. “I just want to know what exactly the endgame is here.”

“I…didn’t think there was one?” Ashton said cautiously, not looking at the younger boy. “I mean, we’re just two best mates who get each other off occasionally. And we both enjoy it; no one’s being forced into something they don’t want to do.”

A silence fell between them for a few seconds. Calum heard the words Ashton was saying, and felt himself turn on autopilot as he nodded, not allowing himself to think about them too seriously. Not now, not in front of Ashton.

“Like, getting off with someone else is always better than doing it yourself, am I wrong?” Ashton said with a little smile and giggle.

“You’re right.” Calum smiled with closed lips, nodding still. He felt like his emotions were being compromised as he maintained his outward composure.

“So…is this thing we’re doing okay?” Ashton asked, looking at Calum for a genuine response. His eyes were sincere and serious as he continued to say, “And is it okay if we continue what we have going?”

Calum didn’t know how he should feel about the situation. But if there was one thing he did know, was that he didn’t want to stop touching Ashton any time soon. This may not be exactly what he wanted – he still didn’t know _what_ he wanted – but it would do for now.

“Yeah. I’m down with this.” The dark haired boy responded in an even tone.

“Cool.” Ashton said, smile wide with dimples that had the power to turn Calum’s fake smile into a real one. The two boys laughed a little awkwardly, before Ashton finally pulled Calum into a hug, squeezing around his middle until the younger boy begged for release. Their laughter was genuine by the time they separated. This gave Calum a sense of normality that he desperately needed.

“Well, I have to actually get to making these sandwiches for the two blonds in the band before the murder me.” Ashton concluded, waltzing back over to the counter. “Unless you have another interruption for me?”

“Nah, I’ll let you off the hook this time.” Calum responded smoothly back, to which Ashton responded with a loud not-so-flirty laugh which Calum just found so damn adorable. It was at this thought that Calum left the kitchen, heading to his own room to over think some of the things they had just discussed, and figure out some of his own feelings and thoughts on his own.

~~~

Calum remembered the first time he met Ashton. Michael and Luke had met the older boy weeks before him, due to Calum being in South America for a soccer camp. The curly haired boy was full of energy and eagerness for the band to succeed, and Calum remembered immediately taking a liking to him, finding Ashton’s enthusiasm and presence to be the missing piece to the puzzle that was their band.

Calum remembered the night they asked Ashton to be in the band for good with them. The dark haired boy had gotten down on one knee to ask, sending Ashton over the edge with loud giggles and laughter. The older boy had then swooped Calum into his arms and hugged him tight, Michael and Luke wrapping their arms around the two to complete the hug. Calum remembered the feeling of Ashton’s chest against the side of his face, heart thumping out of control in excitement.

Calum remembered overthinking everything months after this, lying in his bed back in Sydney, awake at an ungodly hour in the night. They were going to go to London soon to write an album with real producers and other famous artists, and the idea made Calum sick to his stomach instead of filling him with joy.

Calum remembered never feeling like his guitar skills were up to par, or even good at all. Michael and Luke were naturals; Luke taking only beginning lessens and learning the rest himself while Michael taught himself completely. Calum knew the only reason he even really was in the band was because he was friends with both Michael and Luke. He was only given the title of the bass guitar player because “it only has four strings, how hard can it be?” Sure he learned how to play and even put some of his own covers on YouTube, and even wrote a song or two. But they were never as popular as Luke’s, and he still couldn’t do half the things on a guitar that Michael could. Calum knew he was being overly self-conscious and it wasn’t really justified, but he couldn’t help but feel the way he did.

Calum remembered ringing Ashton – he couldn’t even remember _why Ashton_ , it just felt right at the time – not actually expecting him to answer at 3 in the morning but rejoicing when he did. Calum had a hard time getting his words out about what he was feeling to Ashton on the phone, and resulted in crying – something he wasn’t even sure he had done around Luke or Michael. Calum wasn’t a very emotional person, so this rare outburst of emotions made it all the more terrifying, to both him and the older boy. Ashton – even after the dark haired boy had tried to convince him he was really fine – told the younger boy he would be at his house in 20 minutes, planning to bike to his house in the middle of the night, just to make sure Calum was okay.

Calum remembered helping Ashton climb through his window, like a teen movie love interest would. Calum remembered Ashton taking off his pants and borrowing a pair of Calum’s sweatpants, slipping under the covers with the younger boy. Calum remembers spilling his heart out to Ashton and the older boy listening intently, holding Calum in his arms as he did. Calum remembered laying his head on Ashton’s chest to calm himself down while Ashton said small comforting things into his ear while rubbing his back. Calum remembered the way his hair was damp from a shower, smelling like strawberries. Calum remembered the way he felt, breathed, smelled and sounded.

It was something that the two boys never spoke of after that, not even to their two best friends and band mates. Ashton wasn’t a huge cuddler – even to the current day, he wasn’t – and yet Calum remembered him seeming so willing to hold Calum until he was better, and he remembered how _good_ he was at it.

Ever since that happened, Ashton would be sure to make Calum feel special and important in the band. He would always bring up Calum’s lyrics he wrote again and again when they were songwriting, making sure they wouldn’t be ignore and they would make it into songs. Ashton would always talk about “the rhythm section” – meaning him and Calum – and would remind everyone how they keep the band going. When Calum made a new shirt design for their store, Ashton offered to wear it onstage, a basic black tank top with the letters “CH” on it. Calum remembered how badly his cheeks hurt from smiling when Ashton was modeling it around backstage for everyone to see.

So maybe the feelings Calum was feeling weren’t new. Maybe they’ve been there all along, since the day he and Ashton laid under the covers of his bed while Calum spilled his heart out to Ashton while the older boy helped him through it. Calum loved everything about Ashton – he was so interesting and beautiful, so funny and genuine. He was the most important person to Calum, and it was really beginning to make the dark haired boy laugh at how long it’s taken him to realize it.

And that’s where it gets complicated. Calum knew there was a good chance that the feelings were not reciprocated, and that it could severely fuck up everything if he let whatever they were doing continue. The idea of never being able to touch Ashton in this way again tore Calum apart, but it was the right thing to do. For the band, for Ashton, and most importantly for himself. He knew it wasn’t fair to allow himself to do sexual things with Ashton when there would never be the romantic feelings he craved attached to it.

It had to end.

~~~

Calum laid in his bed, unfortunately awake at the ungodly time in the morning of 8:30am. He hadn’t gotten much sleep that night - or for that matter, the past 3 nights. His mind was too busy trying to sort itself out to partake in the wonderful idea of a goodnights sleep. By the third night, Calum had given up.

The dark haired boy could hear Michael and Ashton in the kitchen. They were bickering about something - most likely Michael arguing that the coffee Ashton made him tasted like shit, and Ashton arguing that once Michael would add all the sugar and cream to his it wouldn’t even be considered coffee anymore. Calum could tell they tried to keep their voices down, trying to not wake up Calum or Luke, whose bedrooms resided on the first floor of the house.

Anticipating his lack of sleep, Calum had a plan. He listened carefully as the two eldest members of the band tiptoed their way past Luke and Calum’s rooms to the front door. He waited until he heard the car drive away, counted to 100, then slipped out of his bed and made is way out of his room.

He stood outside of Luke’s bedroom door, pushing the pieces of black and blond hair out of his face that had turned curly in his sleep. Calum knew he wasn’t prepared for the monster that was Luke Hemmings before 10am. But he had grown incredibly tired with disparity, and he was certain he couldn’t wait any longer. Desperate times called for desperate measures.

“Luke?” Calum whispered into Luke’s room after opening the door. Calum’s eyes took a minute to adjust to the darkness, but once they did, he walked over to the window and opened the blinds. A groan rang out in the room from the direction of Luke’s bed. The dark haired boy turned to see Luke facedown into his pillow. Calum rolled his eyes.

“S’not my day to write.” Luke’s muffled voice said into the pillow. “It’s Mikey and Ashton’s.”

“I know.” Calum said cautiously, taking footsteps towards the bed. “I need to talk to you.”

“Can you wait until it’s not 6am?” Luke snapped back, pulling the covers completely over his head, exposing his feet at the end of the bed.

“It’s 9am.” Calum corrected, feeling worse about how early it was when he said it out loud.

“That’s what I said.” Luke said bitterly. He curled his body into a ball under the covers, so Calum took the opportunity to sit on the edge of his bed.

“It’s kind of important.”

Luke finally pulled his face from the pillow and laid his head on the side. The blond’s hair was all messy and bent, and Calum could tell that Luke needed to shave. There was dried drool on his chin and his eyes were only half open, looking up at Calum in annoyance.

“How many times do I have to promise to stop flooding the bathroom?”

Calum scoffed. “Maybe until you keep that promise? That’s not what I’m here to talk about.”

“Then what the fuck is it!?”

“ME AND ASHTON!”

Luke’s eyes widened in shock at the volume of Calum’s voice. The older boy was about to apologize when Luke scooted over in the bed to make room for Calum. He was about to reject the offer – God knows what’s gone on in Luke’s bed – but it looked so comfy and welcoming that Calum snuggled under the covers without a word, body pressed in his best friend’s arms.

“I was wondering when one of you were going to talk to me about it.” Luke said softly with Calum’s head pressed against his chest. It was a different sensation, because if the two boys usually cuddled, it would be Luke in Calum’s arms. But it didn’t feel bad, Calum thought. Luke was big and warm, and now maybe he can agree with the way Michael raves about Luke Cuddles. “I was beginning to think you were never going to say anything.”

“If I hadn’t, would you have confronted me?” Calum inquired. “Or ash?”

“Probably not.” Luke said after a pause. “Mostly because I wouldn’t know what to say.”

Calum chuckled a little in understanding. He shifted slightly as organized his thoughts in his head like he had planned out before.

His silent pause must’ve been long enough that Luke decided he should fill it. “So how long have you two been hooking up?”

“It’s not like that.” Calum moved slightly out of Luke’s arms so he could look up at the blond. “It’s different.”

Luke’s eyes widened slightly, confusing Calum. “Then please enlighten me?”

Calum sighed, looking away from Luke. “We’re just friends who decided touching each other and being touched in return is more fun that just touching ourselves, I guess. No emotions attached.”

The words hurt more than Calum predicted, and after saying them he shuddered slightly. The dark haired boy could feel Luke nod above him in understanding.

“And how do you feel about that?” Luke asked cautiously.

“Well, like I said it’s…different.” Calum moved so he was sitting against the bedframe, now looking down at a very awake Luke still resting on the pillow. The older boy took a deep breath and continued.

“I’m not that great with emotions. Ashton is worse, and I’m not so sure this set up we have would end well for either of us. He’s my best friend, and I wouldn’t want anything to change that.”

Calum took a deep breath as he looked down into Luke’s eyes. It was coming out, and there was no way to stop it. Calum took a second to remind himself that Luke was his best friend too – has been since year 9 – and Luke would stay by his side no matter what.

“But I’m tired of lying to him, and myself. I…I really like him, Luke. More than a friend, more than a “bro”, more than a fuck buddy, more than a crush. I really, _really_ fucking like him, and I think maybe I have for a while now and have just been too stubborn to realize it. But I know he doesn’t feel the same, and he will never feel the same, and –”

“How do you know he doesn’t feel the same?”

Calum stared down at Luke, in shock that out of all things this was the thing that he commented on. “You’re not going to say anything about…the fact I like guys?”

“I don’t care about that. You should know I wouldn’t care about that.” Luke said harshly, then reached up to pat Calum’s chest. “You’re my best friend. It doesn’t change a thing, alright?”

Calum smiled warmly. _Of course_ he knew Luke wouldn’t care, but still the face that he was out to someone and they confirmed they still loved him made him feel loads better.

“So back to my other question…” Luke prompted.

The dark haired boy gulped down the lump in his throat that had been residing there and rubbed his neck as he continued.

“Because he just doesn’t. I can tell. If he wanted something to happen, he would have made it happen by now. Ashton isn’t the kind of guy to not act on something if he wants it.”

“Well, _you_ haven’t told him how you feel yet out of fear he doesn’t feel the same.” Luke said rationally, looking at his feet as he kicked the sheets around a little. “Maybe he’s in the same position.”

“Luke, that’s not the problem here.” Calum said in a frustrated tone. “The point is I _know_ Ashton doesn’t feel the same, and I _know_ that I’ve got to stop this before it goes any farther and ruins all of this, everything we’ve worked for, and I –”

“What do you mean ‘ruin all of this’!?” Luke exclaimed, pulling Calum out of his anxiety-driven rant. The younger boy moved so he was sitting against the bed frame with Calum, the covers falling off his body to expose his naked torso. “Ruin what?! What is there to ruin?”

Calum opened his mouth to speak, but Luke beat him to it.

“You think Michael and I would let your unrequited love tear this band apart? Fuck no! The only way it could ruin everything is if we let it, and trust me, we won’t. It could only hurt us is if you guys continued doing this stuff while you felt too emotionally compromised to not say how you really feel to anyone.”

Calum blinked at Luke’s sudden exasperation, attempting to take in everything he was saying. Luke looked down at his hands as he said in a small whisper, “Trust me, no one should have to go through that.”

Calum sighed, trying to find the words to match his thoughts. “Then…what do you think I should do?”

“What do _you_ think you should do?” Luke asked, twiddling his thumbs and glancing back at Calum. “I assume you had a plan before you walked in here?”

“Well, my _previous_ plan was to just cut things off with Ashton and not give him the real reason why.” The older boy confessed. “Do you think I should do otherwise?”

Luke pursed his lips. “I think you should be honest with him. I think he deserves that, and I think you deserve that too. Believe it or not, Calum, Ashton loves you. Even if it’s not in the way you’d prefer it to be, he does, and I don’t think there’s anything you could do that could make him hate you. We’re all best friends in this band, and we can work through everything. It might take some time, but I think everything will work out. And I really think it would work out best if we were all completely honest with each other from now on.”

Even if the idea terrified Calum, he couldn’t deny he agreed with it. Honesty was something the band prided itself on, not allowing any major secrets to be held without all of the band knowing. If this whole mess was ever going to be resolved, honesty was going to be a big factor.

“You’re right.” Calum finally said. “As much as I hate to admit it.”

“Whatever.” Luke rolled his eyes, but smiled as he did. “You’ll be thanking me when he admits his love back and proposes to you on the spot.”

“Don’t get my hopes up.” Calum laughed back, but there was a seriousness behind it and he was only half-kidding.

“Sorry about that.” Luke said honestly. “Cuddle?”

Calum smiled and opened his arms for Luke to fall into , the two boys snuggling into one lump of human in the warm bed. It felt a lot like what they would do when they were in London, on the nights Michael and Ashton were out recording or writing, and they were alone in the big London house, a whole world away from their own. It was comforting to know that whatever happened with him and Ashton, Luke’s bed would always be open for Calum to crawl into when the sky was falling down.

“Luke?”

“Yeah?”

“You know when you said the band should be completely honest with each other from now on?”

“Yes?”

“I just wanted you to know that I really fucking hate when you flood the bathroom after your shower.”

Luke chuckled into Calum’s neck. “I know, Cal.”

Calum giggled too. “Anything honest thing you have to confess to me, while we’re here and the other two are out?”

Calum was surprised when he was met with a thick silence from the other boy, feeling Luke grow tense in his arms.

“Actually –”

Just then, Luke’s phone buzzed on the side table by his bed. The younger boy sighed – Calum couldn’t tell if it was from frustration of being interrupted or relief – and Luke wiggled out of Calum’s arms to check it.

“It’s my mom.” Luke stated. “I haven’t talked to her in like two weeks, I think I should take it.”

“It’s cool, man.” Calum responded as he got out of Luke’s bed and made his way to the door. “And really, thank you. For everything.”

Luke smiled back at him. “Anytime, mate. Anytime.”

~~~

Calum held his breath as he went under again, feeling the water rush around his head, engulfing his entire body. It was dark outside, but the pool lights were on, and Calum was out by himself swimming around the big pool. Michael was gaming on his computer, Ashton was in his room writing, and Luke was busy with something he and Calum had planned for that night.

He resurfaced, pushing his hair back as he glanced at the clock on the outside wall of the house. 8:46pm. Just around the time he and Luke had decided on. Calum swam to the steps of the pool on his back. He got off, dried of carefully before entering the house.

Michael was on the couch – were he could be found 95% of the time – on his laptop. Ashton emerged from the kitchen a second later.

“Hey! I was just about to come join you.” The oldest boy was holding an opened beer in one hand and an unopened one in the other, sporting his blue swim trunks. He handed the unopened beer to Calum.

“Sorry, I was just coming in.” Calum replied, to which Ashton pouted. “The mosquitos were getting me anyways; you probably wouldn’t want to venture out there now.”

Ashton shrugged and took a seat on the couch next to Michael.

“Don’t you have to go get ready anyways?” Michael asked Calum, not even looking up from his laptop.

“Get…ready for what?” Calum inquired, fighting down a smile.

“Aren’t you going out with Luke?”

“No, I told him I didn’t want to go out tonight.” Calum said easily, taking the lid off his beer and taking a drink.

“What?” Michael looked up from his game, eyebrows furrowed. “He told me he was going with you.”

“Must’ve been before I canceled on him.” Calum shrugged, taking another drink so he wouldn’t have the chance to break character.

“But…” Michael looked confused, glancing over to Ashton. “Are you going with him?”

“Nah dude, I was just about to go out to the pool.” Ashton tipped his head at Michael. “What’s up with you?”

“So that means…” Michael began, “Luke is going by himself?”

Just then, Luke came trampling down the stairs. He was wearing a one of Ashton’s flannels and skinny jeans, hair up in his traditional faux hawk, a wide smile plastered on his face.

“Thanks for letting me borrow your shirt, Ashton!” Luke said excitingly, heading for the door.

“Don’t remember you asking, but your welcome!” Ashton yelled nonchalantly back, not even bothering to turn his head to watch him leave.

“Wait a second!” Michael called, pushing his laptop onto the couch beside him and standing up. Luke paused and turned back to face the pale boy.

“What is it, Michael?” Luke asked, straight facing like a pro, almost making Calum choke on his beer.

“Are you…are you going out alone?” Michael asked, voice small.

“Yeah! Calum and Ashton said they were busy, and I assumed you wouldn’t want to go out, so I was just going to go by myself.”

“He didn’t ask me shit!” Ashton turned around to face the two boys, but neither of them acknowledged him.

“You didn’t even _ask_ me!” Michael complained. “How would you know I would say no?”

“Well, do you want to go?” Luke asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Um…” Michael began, glancing back at his computer. “I mean, I did have plans tonight…”

“Why do you care if I go out by myself anyways?” Luke questioned.

“I don’t!” Michael defended himself.

“Then I guess I’ll be going.” Luke turned on his heels and headed for the door, Michael watching him intently. For a second Calum began to fear their plan wouldn’t work. Just when Calum was about to give up all hope, Michael called out to Luke.

“LUKE!”

The blond stopped at the door, turning his head to face Michael.

“Just…give me a minute, okay?” Michael turned to run up the stairs to get changed.

Ashton let out a loud laugh and turned to Calum. “Is it just me, or did it feel like we just watched a mating ritual?”

“WHAT?!” Luke squawked, obviously not expecting _that_ to come out of Ashton’s mouth. Calum laughed until his stomach hurt, falling on the couch where Michael was previously sitting. Luke and Calum were both aware of how Michael wasn’t a huge fan of Luke ever going out by himself; he had a sense of protectiveness over the youngest member of the band that he would rather accept death than admit. Ashton offered to get Calum another beer as the younger boy finished his, and he got up to go retrieve one from the kitchen.

Within seconds, Michael was rushing down the stairs after having changed out of his gym shorts and sweatshirt and into skinny jeans and his denim jacket. He was carding his fingers through his hair as he got to the last step, Luke grabbing his left arm and heading to the door.

“We’ll be back late!” The natural blonde yelled in Calum’s direction.

“Have fun!” Calum yelled at them without turning his head. He heard Michael mutter something undecipherable under his breath as the front door closed behind him.

The house felt incredibly quieter once the two boys left, even with the TV still playing in front of Calum. The dark haired boy identified it as an episode of Friends, and no matter how hard he tried to focus on whatever Ross was yelling at Rachel for, he couldn’t do it. His mind was occupied with the words he would soon be telling Ashton, rolling over and over through his mind like a broken record.

His thoughts came to a halt when he felt a large pair of hands grip his bare shoulders. He nearly jumped off the couch if it wasn’t for Ashton softly pulling him back into a resting state.

“Calm down, Calum, it’s just me.” Ashton said with a giggle, forcing Calum to giggle back anxiously. “Your shoulders are so damn tense, are you okay?”

“I’m fine.” Calum replied back shortly. It was a lie. Calum was not okay. He was nervous. He didn’t want to be nervous – the whole point of swimming before his and Ashton’s “talk” was to calm himself down enough to prepare him for this discussion. But it didn’t seem to have helped at all.

Ashton’s hands – still on Calum – slowly began to move, pressing into all the tight muscles in his shoulders. The younger boy let out a deep breath and melted into Ashton’s touch. It had been weeks – no, months – since the curly haired boy had massaged Calum’s shoulders, and Calum had forgotten how good he was at it. He went slow and applied the perfect amount of pressure; not overbearing, and not too light.

Calum’s mind drifted away from the problem at hand, brain turning into mush as the older boy worked out the kinks in his muscles. Just when Calum was beginning to feel his eyes flutter shut from the relief in his body, he felt the couch dip behind him where the older boy was leaning down.

“Your hair’s turned curly.” Ashton said in a low voice, directly into Calum’s ear.

“Water tends to do that.” The dark haired boy swallowed hard, mind seeming to be too caught up in itself to think properly.

“I kind of like it better this way.”

Calum felt something warm and soft press against the side of his head, under his ear. In seconds, he recognized it as Ashton’s lips, and a shudder ran through his body. As soon as the lips had been placed there, they were gone, along with Ashton’s hands and weight on the back of the couch. Confused, Calum whipped his head around to the older boy backing up towards the hallway to the dark haired boy’s room.

“Your room in 60 seconds?” Ashton asked, the hint of a smile on the corners of his mouth. Initially, this gesture seemed out of character to Calum. But there was something warm and comforting in it that felt familiar to the younger boy. “Unless you don’t want to, I mean, that’s okay too.”

“I want too.” Calum said instantly, because, well, he did.

“Good.” Ashton said, winking at Calum before turning his back to him and heading down the hall to the dark haired boy’s room.

Calum sat on the couch, dumbfounded for about 30 seconds before his feet began to work for him. He stood up and walked down the hall until he got to his room, only pausing for a second before opening the door. The room was dark, and just as Calum reached for the light switch he felt two large hand s pull him into the room and close the door behind him.

He was thrown against the door, and Ashton’s lips were on his in seconds. Calum moved his lips back against Ashton’s in lustful fever, feeling their tongues slide against each other with no remorse. The older boy had his hands on Calum’s shoulders, pinned against the door, but they slowly moved down the dark haired boy’s unclothed torso. The feeling of Ashton’s hands on his bare skin sent blood south in Calum’s body. Suddenly, the hand that had been traveling down Calum’s body moved to his dick and began to palm it through his swim shorts, causing Calum to gasp allowed and through his head back. He brought his lips back to Ashton’s lips in seconds, moving one hand in Ashton’s hair, and the other on the small of his back, pulling him impossibly closer to Calum.

It was so hot, in all senses of the term - making out with Ashton in secrecy in his own room while half of their band was out partying, along with exchanging body heat with the older boy in the dark room while being pinned against a door, helpless. It was an insane feeling that came from deep inside him, gushing over every bone in his body, seeping out his pores and filling every part in him and around him. He was so in love with the feeling, so in love with the sensations, and most importantly…

So in love with Ashton.

That’s when everything turned cold.

Calum was in love with Ashton, and he knew the feeling wasn’t mutual. Ashton was only touching Calum to be touched in return, to fulfill his sexual urges with the younger boy with no romance attached. Calum knew this and still let himself be touched, still touched the other boy, letting the heat rage out of his body to be replaced with an inevitable coldness that would remain, without the love he so desperately desired to fill it.

It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair to Ashton, unknowing of the damage he caused to Calum when he did these things to him. Calum knew that if Ashton had any idea of the pain he caused the younger boy, he would never instigate this. It wasn’t fair to blame Ashton for something that he didn’t know he was doing. But even more importantly, it wasn’t fair to Calum himself, to allow these things to happen when they were killing him slowly.

It eventually became too much. Calum untangled his hand from Ashton’s hair and blindly reached for the light switch. When he found it and turned it on, Ashton pulled away from Calum in surprised and just looked at him.

“No.” Calum said, breathing heavily into the empty space between them now. His eyes were closed, and he couldn’t get himself to open them to look at the older boy.

“What?” Ashton said after a second of silence, voice unsteady.

“No, no.” Calum repeated, shaking his head and moving slowly out of Ashton’s space. “I – I can’t do this.”

Calum felt Ashton take a step backward, giving Calum his space he needed. When Calum finally looked at the older boy, Ashton’s eyes were wide with fear and uncertainty.

“Did I do something wrong?” Ashton managed out, and Calum could feel how confused and uncomfortable he was making Ashton feel.

“No.” Calum said for a third time, bringing his now free hands to cover his face. “It’s not your fault, you didn’t know.”

“Calum,” Ashton stated, reaching out to touch the other boy’s shoulder carefully. “Speak to me, bro.”

The nickname seemed to snap something in Calum; something that was holding him back. The threatening fear that seemed to be stuck in his mind drained out of him, replaced with a deep red anger. Anger at himself for letting himself be hurt in this way, when it could’ve been so easily avoided. Calum’s hands fell to his side and he looked the older boy in the eyes, feeling the rage behind his own grow hot.

“I love you.” Calum stated firmly. “I love you, Ashton, and I’m so fucking sorry.”

Ashton’s eyes grew impossibly wider as he stared at Calum after the younger boy’s confession, rooted to his spot as the hand on Calum’s shoulder slowly fell off of it. Calum looked away from Ashton and gripped his fists tight, wanting so badly to walk away from the situation, but not allowing himself to.

“I know you don’t feel the same, and that’s perfectly okay. I let my stupid feelings carelessly get out of hand, and that’s my fault, not yours. I can’t keep doing this stuff with you when you don’t feel the same way I do. I can’t keep feeling like I want more from you when you’re already giving me all that you can. It’s not fair – to either of us. I didn’t want this to happen, I really didn’t, and I’m so sorry if this changes everything –”

“Calum, breathe.”

Ashton’s words caught Calum off guard. The younger boy was breathing heavily and against the door.

“It’s okay.” Ashton said slowly, reaching out to Calum, but the dark haired boy flinched away.

“You don’t have to comfort me.”

“Yes I do.” Ashton cut him off, beginning to move closer. Calum still didn’t have the courage to look into the older boy’s eyes.

“You didn’t ask for any of this. You don’t owe me anything.”

“Actually, I think I do owe you a thing or two.”

Confused, Calum turned his face to finally look at Ashton. The older boy was smiling calmly, eyes locked on Calum’s, before slowly moving his head in to meet Calum’s lips.

It seemed like an inappropriate action for Ashton to perform at this moment, but there was something about it that didn’t make Calum push away immediately. It was different than any kiss he’s ever received from Ashton. It was slower; better. It didn’t take Calum long to kiss back, still pressed against the door as the space between the two boys closed.

Ashton was pulling away all too soon, and the air seemed to thicken with unspoken words between them.

“Calum?” Ashton asked, gulping verbally. _Was Ashton nervous?_

“Yeah?” Calum asked in a shaky voice, eyes still closed from the kiss.

“What if I told you I felt the same?”

Calum’s eyes shot open to look into Ashton’s. The corners of the older boy’s lips curved upwards into a smile when he saw Calum’s reaction.

“Don’t say that if you don’t mean it.” Calum said seriously, still unmoved from his current position.

“I mean it, Cal.” Ashton said calmly, smile still in place and growing. “With my whole heart.”

Calum was to shocked to respond, standing in the same place as before with Ashton in front of him. This was a response he could have never imagined, so it was hard for him to believe.

Ashton seemed to catch on immediately, so he continued in a more serious tone.

“I’m so, so sorry I didn’t say anything until now. I never imagined you would feel the same…I mean, you were too drunk to remember the first night, and the second time I was the one who began it. I thought this was all you wanted, and I was willing to push my emotions aside to have this little piece of you, even if it wasn’t the whole.”

Calum blinked at Ashton’s words. It was like a dream; so perfect, so surreal that Calum was at a loss for words. But the younger boy was no match for Ashton’s growing smile, and he began to feel a smile forming on his lips as well. It wasn’t long before the two of them were giggling and their foolishness. Calum’s heart suddenly didn’t feel like it weighed a million pounds anymore – it felt free, and it felt loved.

“I just can’t believe this is real.” Calum said after a moment, feeling a warmness grow from inside him to replace the cold that had been there before.

“Believe it, babe.” Ashton said with a wink, smiling so his dimples deepened

Calum raised an eyebrow. “So I’ve been upgraded from bro to babe now?”

Ashton laughed loudly, closing his eyes as he placed his hand on the door by the dark haired boys head to lean on his arm. “If that’s what you want.”

Courage took over Calum as he grabbed the older boy’s free hand in his. “I want both. I want to still be best bros; sharing exercise techniques, going on adventures, and everything else we’ve always done. Now I just get to kiss you any time I want.”

Ashton was overcome with giggles again, though Calum could see a blush behind.

“I actually kind of want to kiss you right now,” Calum said, pulling Ashton into him, “Bro.”

Ashton rolled his eyes and cupped Calum’s face. “I mean, I’m cool with you kissing me, bro, as long as you’re okay with me kissing you back.”

Calum was about to make another bro joke when Ashton closed the space between them with an electric kiss, sending shivers down Calum’s body. He kissed Ashton back desperately, on a high from bliss. Calum pushed himself off the wall, hands returning to Ashton’s back as the older boy took steps carefully back to the bed .

Ashton’s arms were around Calum’s neck as the younger boy began to lower them down. Ashton whined from not wanting to let go, but eventually did, and crawled further up the bed. Once Ashton was far enough up the bed, Calum climbed on top of him and in between his legs, using one hand for support and the other to run along the older boy’s chest. Calum felt the mountains and valleys of ribs and abs, and it drove him crazy. Ashton’s tongue felt so warm and wet against his that he never wanted to stop making out with him. But when the idea of leaving a hickey on Ashton’s collar bone came to mind, he quickly pulled away from Ashton’s mouth and leaned down to the older boy’s neck.

Ashton groaned in anticipation, moving his head to make it easier for Calum as the dark haired boy peppered kisses down his jaw. The older boy’s hands mapped out Calum’s back as the younger boy began to suck down hard on a sensitive part of Ashton’s throat. Ashton gasped, hands moving sporadically down Calum’s back to grip his ass. Calum, caught off guard himself, moaned into Ashton’s neck before continuing down to leave more marks as Ashton massaged his ass with his fingers.

They continued like this for a while, hands moving on each other’s bodies, getting to know each other without the awkward feeling of getting too close for the other’s comfort. It was like a barrier between them had been broken, and every touch and sound and movement was so much more than it was before. Calum had never had sex like this, and never felt so deeply connected to the person he was having sex with. It was wonderful.

It got even better when Calum felt the bulge in Ashton’s swim trunks against his. He was already aware of how hard he was himself, and even though he knew where this was going anyways, it still gave him a dirty thrill. Still high on love, Calum grinded forward against Ashton, causing both boys to moan together. Ashton took this opportunity to kiss Calum again, long and hard and deep while the dark haired boy moved in slow circles against him.

Calum could feel Ashton’s breathing beginning to increase. Suddenly, the older boy flipped them around, so Calum was now on his back and Ashton straddled him, legs on either side of the tan boy’s hips. Ashton sat up on him grabbed Calum’s hand and brought it to his mouth, pressing his lips to each finger, kissing it gently. He kept eye contact with the younger boy as he did this, and Calum began to pant. He could tell Ashton was trying to make this as romantic as possible – and it was all going directly to Calum’s dick. He moaned as Ashton began to suck on a finger, eyes still locked with Calum’s, hollowing his cheeks and slowly moving his tongue around it.

When Ashton’s lips popped off Calum’s finger, the older boy looked down at Calum, eyes hooded and full of lust. “What do you want?”

“It all.” Calum breathed out, reaching his hands out to grip Ashton’s waist. “I want it all.”

“We have time for it all.” Ashton said, leaning down to give Calum a lazy kiss. “What do you want tonight?”

“Anything.” Calum said, placing his hands on the back of the curly haired boy’s neck to pull him in for another kiss.

“Not picky.” Ashton commented between kissed, smirking at the younger boy. “I like that.”

“Shut up.” Calum said back, but was smiling at Ashton. “I’m just so thankful that I get to do anything at all like this with you, so I’ll take anything.”

Ashton beamed down at Calum, kissing his cheek and whispering in his ear, “I can fuck you, if you want.”

Calum’s hands stopped moving across Ashton’s back, pausing where they were. Ashton immediately noticed this action, and began to retract his offer.

“Forget it, Cal, really. I know that’s a big step and I’m sorry I just threw that out there, I don’t know what I was thinking –”

“Babe.” Calum stated, using this leverage of a new pet name to his advantage. “Don’t apologize. I want that too, trust me, _really_ badly…” And it wasn’t a lie at all. Calum had fantasized about doing almost everything with the older boy over the last week. “I just…I’ve never done that before, so it would be…new.”

“It would be good.” Ashton said, smiling down at Calum. He leaned down again and kissed Calum’s lips lightly, only a small peck. “I’d make it good, make _you_ feel good.”

“I know you would.” Calum said, giggling as Ashton began kissing every part of the dark haired boy’s face, not leaving any surface untouched.

“Only if you’re ready.” Ashton said as he sat back up, looking at Calum seriously. “I mean it. Like I said, we have all the time in the world. We can do something else tonight, if you’d prefer.”

Calum thought it over while looking at the beautiful body on top of him. Thirty minutes ago, the thought over ever having Ashton kiss him like they have been all night was only a thought, and he never expected it to become real. Now they were here in Calum’s bed, and Ashton was giving him an offer he whole heartedly wanted to accept.

“I’m ready.” Calum said, smiling up at _his_ boy.

“You sure?”

“I’m sure.”

“Pinky promise?”

Calum rolled his eyes. “Are you serious?!”

“Yes I’m serious!” Ashton responded, holding out his pinky for Calum to grip with his.

“Dude.” Calum stated in a monotone voice, while he reached up to wrap his pinky around Ashton’s. “Pinky promises are so not punk rock.”

“And letting your drummer fuck you is?” Ashton fired back playfully.

“It is actually.” Calum stated confidently. “It’s actually the most punk rock thing there is.”

Ashton shut him up by another kiss, somehow feeling even more serious than every kiss before. The feeling of kissing Ashton was more intoxicating than any alcoholic beverage Calum had ever had before, and he never wanted to stop kissing him.

Calum felt Ashton’s hands travel down his torso, slipping his thumbs underneath the waistband of his swim shorts.

“Gonna get you naked first.” Ashton said with a wink, and Calum could feel his breath hitch in his throat. It wouldn’t be the first time Ashton had seen him naked while he was hard – but it would be the first time that Calum could remember.

Slowly, Ashton pulled Calum’s pants of completely, allowing the younger boy’s dick to spring free against Calum’s stomach. The dark haired boy grimaced at the noise, but then looked back to Ashton’s face to see him admiring the boy beneath him.

“Calum,” Ashton said, eyes still on Calum’s lower half.

“What?” The younger boy asked, fear temporarily flowing into his heart.

“You’re perfect.”

Ashton ran his hands down Calum’s hipbones after resituating himself on top of him, thumbs rubbing over them soothingly, and Calum let out a whimper.

“I mean it, babe.” Ashton continued, letting his hands roam over every part of Calum except his dick. “It’s like you were sculpted from the gods; I can’t find a flaw on you.”

This time, it was a loud moan that came out of Calum’s mouth. He couldn’t restrain himself when the words Ashton were saying to him were going straight to his cock – which was already as hard as it could get. Ashton leaned down and left a wet kiss to the center of Calum’s chest, warming him from the center out.

“Please…Ash.” Calum whined desperately, grabbing Ashton’s hand and moving it towards his dick.

Ashton chuckled. “Soon, babe. Let me get naked too.”

The thought of Ashton being naked as well was worth waiting a little longer before his dick was touched, Calum decided. Ashton moved off of Calum temporarily to remove his swim shorts, and Calum quickly pulled him back on top of him once Ashton’s dick was free as well, big and beautiful against his lower abdomen.

 “Do you have stuff?” Ashton asked in a rush before Calum pulled him into a kiss. A kiss that lasted many moments before they both pulled away, panting for breath.

Calum nodded quickly and blindly reached out to his left, hand finding the draw to his bedside table and pulling it out. After a few seconds of attempting to find the lube and condoms without looking. Ashton giggled.

“Silly, silly idiot.” The older boy whispered as he reached over to find the items himself.

“You know,” Calum began, poking Ashton’s stomach. “It’s a good thing you’re cute, or I’d have to make you pay for that comment.”

“Maybe you can another time.” Ashton said playfully, and the simple thought made Calum’s stomach fill with butterflies and arousal. “But for tonight…spread your legs for me?”

At the sound of those words – which really made the situation all the more real – Calum began to feel nervous all over again. He slowly moved his legs apart for Ashton, so the older boy could get between them. Calum watched Ashton ooze some of the clear substance onto his fingers and begin to rub them together – he assumed to make it warm? – and the dark haired boy rested his head back on the pillow and screwed his eyes shut, attempting to push all the nerves out of his body. He kept waiting for the feeling of Ashton touching him to come, but it didn’t.

He finally opened his eyes to Ashton staring back at him. The curly haired boy smiled softly at him, then leaned down to kiss the insides of Calum’s thighs. Calum shuddered at the amazing feeling, reaching a trembling hand down to Ashton’s head to pet his hair. Ashton closed his eyes and smiled as he continued kissing Calum’s thighs, moving closer and closer to his dick.

Calum gasped when he felt Ashton’s left hand grab the base of his cock, moving it towards his mouth. He licked the tip of it first, making Calum lose any of the control he had over the sounds he made completely disappear. Ashton smirked at Calum’s loud moan, kissing his dick once before wrapping his lips around it. The younger boy groaned, breaking the silence of the room.

He was so concerned with Ashton’s tongue sliding against the tip of his cock every time the older boy bobbed up and down on it that Calum nearly missed Ashton beginning to prod at his hole with his finger. Calum hissed immediately, and Ashton slipped his mouth of Calum’s dick to whisper sweet encouragements to him. It was a weird feeling, Calum thought, but it wasn’t bad.

Calum did gasp when Ashton slid a lubed up finger inside him. It was tight and uncomfortable, but not painful like he thought it would be. Calum felt Ashton’s eyes intently on him and the older boy began to pump his finger in and out of him. The dark haired boy slammed his eyes shut when he felt a second finger enter him.

“You good, babe?” Ashton asked as soon as Calum did this, fingers paused inside him.

“M’fine, I promise.” Calum responded quickly, not wanting to ruin the moment.

“Don’t lie to me, Calum.” Ashton reprimanded. “I’d never be able to look at myself again if I hurt you on your first time, or went too far when you weren’t ready.”

Calum took a deep breath, the unmoving fingers in him not letting him think thoroughly.

“No Ash – I’m really okay, I swear I’d tell you if I wasn’t ready, and I am.” Calum said honestly, looking up and locking eyes with Ashton.  “Just please, for the love of God, _move_.”

The older boy took his word for it, pushing his fingers completely into Calum’s hole. Calum let out a moan, finally beginning to feel some pleasure instead of discomfort. The stretching still ached a slight bit for the dark haired boy, but it began to feel good in only minutes. It began to feel _really_ good when Ashton touched something in Calum that made him see stars, sending shivers down his spine and moans to his lips.

“More.” Calum panted, reaching out to touch any part of Ashton that he could reach. “More, I need more. I’m ready.”

“You sure?” Ashton asked once more.

Even though Calum wanted to scream to the heavens he was sure, he cupped the side of Ashton’s face, bringing it up to meet his so he could kiss him warmly.

“I’m sure.”

A smile stretched from ear to ear on Ashton’s face, as he leaned back down to reach for a condom package. He ripped it open quickly with his teeth, which Calum unexplainably found hot, causing him to groan and lean his head back.

Ashton chuckled darkly. “Thought that was hot?”

“Maybe.” Calum said in a voice just as deep, voice becoming rough from all the noises he was making.

Ashton shook his head while putting the condom on his cock. “I’m glad you appreciate the little things, Cal.”

“Ashton…please.” As much as Calum loved this flirty side of Ashton, he needed the older boy _in him_ right that second, or he thought he would explode. Ashton got the message, quickly slicking up his dick with more lube. Calum nudged Ashton with his thigh when he noticed the older boy was beginning to get too carried away on how good his own hand felt on his dick. Ashton then grabbed Calum’s thighs in response, separating them even further, bringing himself to Calum’s ass, holding his dick to slide into Calum, and then –

The initial feeling was pain. Calum reached out and grabbed Ashton’s hipbone and squeezed it tightly to alert him to stop moving in. It was just so much _bigger_ than the dark haired boy had thought it would be. Calum’s eyes were slammed shut, but he could feel how alarmed Ashton was at this sudden action.

“Shit, babe, are you alright?” Ashton asked softly, petting Calum’s side.

“It’s just…so big.”

“It might take a moment for you to adjust, I understand.” Ashton said quickly. “Don’t worry, its normal.”

Calum nodded swiftly, eyes still shut and too afraid to open.

After a few seconds of silence, Calum felt Ashton lean down on the bed on top of him. Calum was finally brave enough to open his eyes, and when he did, Ashton was looking back at him, stealing a quick peck on the lips.

“You know it will start to feel good soon.” Ashton said quietly.

“I know.” Calum took a deep breath, letting himself Calum down a little. “Okay. Move.”

To Calum’s surprise, Ashton didn’t ask Calum if he was sure he was ready this time. Maybe the older boy knew this was something he was going to just have to show Calum himself. With that, Ashton kissed Calum’s lips and sunk completely into the younger boy.

Again, to Calum’s surprise, he didn’t feel pain anymore. He felt full and hot, and closer to Ashton than he ever had before. He whined a little at the thought, moving his hands against the older boy’s back that had gone sweaty. Ashton’s breath was hot and damp on his neck, and everything was just so hot that Calum thought he might catch on fire.

“Can I…?” Ashton began, but Calum was already nodding before he said another word. Ashton propped himself up more, so he was no longer lying on Calum’s chest but looking down at him. He slowly slid himself until he bottomed out, and slammed back into Calum carefully. Calum yelped at first, but moaned within seconds, the amazing feeling Ashton had been mentioning all along beginning to find its way to the dark haired boy.

Ashton set the past, slow and steady, until Calum began to move back against him, creating a sloppy but determined pattern between them. The older boy was grinding his hips erotically into Calum’s ass, and Calum pushed back against it, feeling like it was getting deeper and deeper every time. Ashton’s louder side finally came out, as he moaned when Calum first began moving back into him, wanting to take even more of his dick in. Ashton’s cock was so think and hot inside him, and Calum never wanted to stop this feeling.

When he felt Ashton’s dick hit the spot that made him see stars, he nearly screamed, moaning and panting and moving his head from side to side. He was so incredibly close, but was too preoccupied by the things he was feeling to say it out loud. He was pulled out of this trance by his own neglected dick being stroked quickly up and down by Ashton.

“You close?” Ashton asked hastily, his own voice beginning to sound coarse. Calum thought he sounded beautiful, and nodded as an answer to his question. Ashton’s hair flooded his face, eyes almost completely covered by it as it swayed forward and back with every time he thrust into Calum. “I love you so much, Cal, I always have. You’re so sexy, inside and out, I can’t believe I’m the one who get to make you cum.”

It was Ashton’s words that threw him over the edge, coming hot and white on his own tummy, Ashton’s name moaned out as he did. Ashton wasn’t too far behind him, thrusts becoming more and more desperate as he leaned down to kiss Calum as he came, groaning into the younger boy’s mouth as he did.

They stayed like this awhile, kissing lazily before Ashton told Calum he needed to pull out. The feeling was icky to Calum, but it was nothing compared to the feeling of Ashton’s body lifted off of him and the bed.

“I’ll be back in two seconds.” Ashton said in response to Calum’s instant whine. “I’ve got to get stuff to clean us off.”

And he didn’t lie – within seconds of leaving the room to get a warm wash cloth out of the bathroom, Ashton was back and on top of Calum, cleaning cum off the tan boy’s belly. When they were all clean Calum pulled Ashton into another kiss, feeling the sweaty curly hair on his fingertips, loving every second of it. It was slow and romantic, everything Calum wanted after a night of being fucked.

“Will you stay?” Calum asked, almost fearing the answer.

“I wouldn’t leave if you asked me too.” Ashton responded, pushing the curly dark and light hair off Calum’s forehead. “Actually, I probably would leave, but I would be sad you asked me too and would probably only make it to the couch before I passed out.”

Calum giggled at that, and Ashton joined him. After one last kiss, Ashton rolled off to one side of the younger boy, and let Calum curl up in his arms.

3 years after the first time they cuddled, Calum was in Ashton’s arms again, in his own bed, under the covers. Only this time they were naked, and in a different house and on a different continent. All the worries Calum had back then were not even recognizable now, so small and irrelevant, much like any of Calum’s worries when he was in Ashton’s arms. Where he was, right in that second, was the safest place in the world. And he never planned on leaving.

~~~

Calum was awoken by the sunlight on his face, let in by the blinds on his window that he forgot to close the night before. He felt sweaty and probably smelled, and couldn’t ignore the insane ache he felt in his ass – or the fact that he was naked. Memories from the night previous flooded his mind, and he began to wonder if it was all too good to be true; and that it all really was a dream.

That is, until he felt the body move beside him.

He whipped his head around to see Ashton lying with his back facing Calum, on his side away from the younger boy. Calum let out a breath of relief as a smile formed on his lips. He turned to wrap his arm around the older boy, much like the situation he woke up to a little over a week ago, except this time there was no fear. He woke up in bed with the one he loved, and he couldn’t think of a better feeling.

When he heard Ashton stir, Calum kissed the curly haired boy’s shoulder.

“My ass hurts.” Calum said honestly.

Ashton chuckled in response. “Good morning to you, too.”

Calum had heard Ashton’s morning voice over a thousand times in the past few years, yet it had never sounded as beautiful as it did that day.

“I’m glad you didn’t leave.” The younger boy whispered into Ashton’s ear.

“I would’ve never dreamed of it.” Ashton said in response, rolling over on his other side to look into Calum’s eyes. “I would stay here all day if I could.”

“But what about coffee?” Calum asked as the older boy ran a hair through Calum’s curly, messy hair.

“Hm, coffee does sound good…” Ashton began, and Calum smacked his chest playfully as the too boys laughed.

“Go make your damn coffee.” Calum said, rolling his eyes. “Make me a cup, too. I’m going to take a shower.”

“Two sugars and a dash of milk?” Ashton asked as he slowly pushed the covers off of him and Calum.

“You know me so well.”

They two boys both got dressed silently, Ashton borrowing a pair of Calum’s gym shorts and a hoodie before heading to the kitchen to make coffee. Calum put on a pair of boxers and a T shirt before making the short trip down the hall to the bathroom he and Luke shared.

He closed the door behind him and just stood there for a second, taking in the moment and really just appreciating how _real_ this situation was. He just had sex with the Ashton, _Ashton._ His best friend, the boy he loved. And Ashton loved him back. Calum had never felt so wonderful in his life.

Just as he was having this realization, the door to the bathroom was suddenly opened. Calum half expected (and wanted) it to be Ashton, preparing to join him in the shower. Instead, Calum found himself face-to-face with a very sleepy and disoriented Michael.

“Dude.” Calum complained. “Have you ever heard of knocking?”

“I’m never drinking again.” Michael stated as he wiped his eyes with his fingers, ignoring Calum’s question. “Worst headache ever.”

Calum examined the bleach blond haired boy. He was wearing a T shirt that seemed a little too big for his shoulders, probably one he borrowed from Luke awhile back, and a pair of boxers. Calum scrunched his eyebrows when he noticed there was a suspicious stain on the front of them, and groaned aloud.

“Michael! Gross!” Calum exclaimed, but Michael seemed unoffended. He pushed past the dark haired boy and further into the bathroom, opening the drawer to pull out a toothbrush.

“Since when did you have a toothbrush down here?” Calum asked in confusion as the older boy began to brush his teeth.

“Uh,” Michael began, pausing as he seemed to get his thoughts together. “I’ve always had a toothbrush down here?”

Calum raised an eyebrow at this, never before remembering Michael using a toothbrush in his and Luke’s shared bathroom. Then again, he never really remembered Michael using this bathroom at all.

“Wait, why are you even down here?” The dark haired boy asked. “Why wouldn’t you use the bathroom upstairs by your room?”

Michael looked at Calum, and there was something that the younger boy was surprised to see in the pale boy’s eyes – _fear_. None of it made sense to Calum, until an abrupt assumption came to mind.

Calum immediately stuck his head out of the bathroom to look down the hallway at his other blond band member’s bedroom door down the hall. And, after noticing that his door was hanging open, his assumption was confirmed.

“Don’t say a word.” Michael began, before Calum was even looking back at him. “I know what you’re thinking, and let me just say that you’re wrong.”

“You and Luke hooked up last night, didn’t you?” Calum asked, voice soft as a whisper as he stared at his best friend. Michael, with a little bit of toothpaste hanging too his chin, simply stared back, before gulping.

If the fact that Michael and Luke slept together wasn’t hilarious enough to Calum, the simple fear in Michael’s eyes would’ve set him into a fit of laughter, head thrown back and eyes squeezed shut. His laughter was cut short by Michael surging forward to cup the dark haired boy’s mouth with his hand.

“Shut up!” Michael hissed. “Don’t wake –”

“I thought you were supposed to be taking a shower, Calum!” A shout came from the kitchen, and Michael’s eyes locked with the younger boy. “What are you laughing about?”

Before the pale boy could even attempt to convince Calum otherwise, Calum broke free from Michael’s grasp and ran out of the bathroom, beginning to make his way to the kitchen.

“ASHTON!” Calum yelled, making it into the kitchen entryway. “Micha –”

The next thing Calum knew, he was being trampled to the ground, a six-foot Australian attached to his back. Michal was struggling to cover Calum’s mouth with his hands, but Calum was wiggling every which way to get out of his grasp.

“What the fuck!?” Ashton exclaimed, as Calum could hear his footsteps rushing over to them. “This has got to stop happening!”

“Ash – you’ll never believe wha –”

Michael’s hand was suddenly pushing Calum’s face to the ground, skull hitting the hard floor. “Calum, don’t!”

“You did it to me!” Calum yelled, pushing his mind past the pain in his face. “It’s only fair!”

“What are you talking about?” Ashton shouted, pushing Michael off Calum on the ground. Using his few seconds of freedom, Calum yelled out the reason.

“Michael and Luke hooked up last night!”

“I – WHAT?” Ashton paused on his feet, staring at Michael in horror.

“WHEN DID I SAY THAT HAPPENED, HOOD? HUH!?” Michael grabbed the front of Calum’s T shirt, bringing the boy closer to him so they were face to face. “TELL ME WHEN I SAID THOSE WORDS!”

“OI!”

The three boys stopped and looked up to see Luke standing in the doorway. He only had a pair of grey sweatpants on, hair sticking every which way out of his head, and eyes still half closed from only just now waking up. But after surveying the scene occurring on the ground, his eyes grew wide with terror.

A moment of silence passed, all of the boys looking back and forth at each other, before Luke coughed and asked in a quiet voice, “Band meeting?”

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave comments/kudos or follow/message me on [tumblr](http://muketrash.tumblr.com/) !


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